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Self-Love: The Greatest Love of All

February is a powerful month in the African-American psyche. It is Black History Month, and it includes Valentine’s Day. This is a time when we could focus both on loving and respecting ourselves and loving and appreciating our ancestry. We are a resilient people who have survived and thrived despite all efforts to extinguish us. There are forces at work which seek to degrade, humiliate and destroy us—and still, we persevere.

As Black psychologists, we are charged with helping our people achieve optimal mental health and wellness. How do we do that in a society wherein the powers that be have strategized to maintain their supremacy and our powerlessness? We must develop a love so strong that it cannot be overtaken by the opinions of those who would seek to defeat us.

During this month, we honor both our ancestors and those who are living who help to instill in us a sense of pride of being.

There are many notables who do this for us. Traditionally, we have honored Harriet Tubman, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., Nelson Mandela, Malcolm X and so many others. Today, we look to President Obama, his Queen Michelle, Congressperson Barbara Lee and countless others. On a more personal level, our mothers, fathers, grandparents, and our children model for us and give us reasons for being.

As Black psychologists, we care for the individual, the family, and the community.  We do not need to follow traditions born of the dominant culture in order to cultivate our mental health. We must conceptualize our understandings of our mental health needs through principles that are steeped in our roots.

In ancient African beliefs, we come to love ourselves through our love of spirit, of other people, and of nature. Oshun, the Yoruba goddess of love, is proud of how we honor her by honoring one another. In African-Centered/Black Psychology and Spirituality, self is not defined as separate and individualized, but as an extension into others. We are part of the collective; we are interdependent and inescapably connected to each other.

Self-love is the love of being connected to and interlaced with the best in one another. Black self-love is an act of liberation from the hostile and negative influences of the culture in which we live. We express it through our art, music, dance, song, creativity, and storytelling. Historically, our music, dance, and songs have served as tools to remind us of what it means to be alive, to be spiritually aligned, and mentally well.

A demonstration is our beloved ancestor Whitney Houston’s anthem “The Greatest Love of All.” The lyrics of this classic rhythm and blues song are an expression of the importance of self-love:

“I believe the children are our future

Teach them well and let them lead the way

Show them all the beauty they possess inside

Give them a sense of pride to make it easier

Let the children’s laughter remind us how we used to be

I decided long ago never to walk in anyone’s shadow

If I fail, if I succeed at least I lived as I believe.

No matter what they take from me, they can’t take away my dignity

Because the greatest love of all is happening to me

I found the greatest love of all inside of me

Learning to love yourself…It is the greatest love of all.”

The singing, chanting, and understanding of this classic song reminds us that no one and no thing outside of ourselves can validate our worth. This is an inside job.

In America, we live in a culture that does not support our humanity, much less our self-worth. We have learned to cope in this society by relying on our deep inner sense of knowing and our willingness to express ourselves.

To be healthy, it is important that we remember that we are valuable and worthy of love, because we exist. Ancient African wisdom teaches us that we are spiritual people. We can decide to live a more joyful and Oshun-filled life by harnessing our spiritual, mental, physical, and emotional energies to assist us. There are everyday things, beyond Black History Month, that we can do for ourselves and our loved ones to support our understanding and knowing that we are worthy of love. Below you will find some strategies to support you.

Face each day with an attitude of gratitude. Focus on the good in you and in your life. Forgive your imperfections. Don’t give irrational ideas power. Example: “No one will ever love me.” Shift your attitude and self-talk. “I really love how well I get along with people.” Accept and appreciate yourself. Be gentle with your criticism. Assert yourself. Avoid taking on the burdens of others. Care, but do not carry. Embrace change. Cultivate a sense of mastery and control by setting goals and by working to attain them. Manage your time effectively. Take time to nurture yourself.

Engage in deep breathing. The single most relaxing thing you can do is deep relaxation. Visualize yourself in a peaceful place. Acupuncture and acupressure are helpful. Eat healthy foods. Exercise regularly and have a massage. Develop and use support systems: family, friends, coworkers. Give to others. It broadens your view and shifts your focus. Use support groups when facing challenging situations. Commune with the Universal Spirit with prayer and meditation. Live your higher beliefs. Connect with people who share your beliefs. Read inspirational materials. Worship with your spiritual (religious) systems.

During this month of love and remembrance, know that we are healthiest when we have a loving, giving spirit that connects similar spirits. Walk through life celebrating that our love of self through others is the Greatest Love of All.

This article is dedicated to the ambassador of Black love: Dr. Lige Dailey, Jr.

*The Association of Black Psychologists, Bay Area Chapter (ABPsi-Bay Area) is committed to providing the Post Newspaper readership with monthly discussions about critical issues in Black Mental Health. The ABPsi-Bay Area is a healing resource. We can be contacted at (bayareaabpsi@gmail.com) and readers are welcome to join with us at our monthly chapter and board meeting, every third Saturday at the West Oakland Youth Center from 10 a.m. – 12 noon. 

Sandra H. Smith, Ph.D. Psychological Consultant and ABPsi Bay Area Chapter Member

Sandra H. Smith, Ph.D. Psychological Consultant and ABPsi Bay Area Chapter Member

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Alameda County

Lower Bottom Playaz Presents Lee Blessing’s ‘Going to St. Ives’

Played by Dr. ayodele nzinga, May N’Kame, the mother of a deadly African dictator, travels to England to see Dr. Cora Gage (Teresa Foss) about medical treatment for her failing eyesight. But what she really wants is a poison to assassinate her son. Gage is then put in a personal dilemma to either uphold her vow to ‘do no harm,’ or help put an end to the atrocities the dictator visits on his people.

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Oakland’s oldest North American African theater company presents a story of race, women, violence, and empire.

By Cat Brooks, Special to The Post

The Lower Bottom Playaz 27th season will kick off on July 9 with “Going to St. Ives,” a play by Lee Blessing.

Directed by playwright, actress, and community advocate Cat Brooks, the play by Lee Blessing is the story of two impressive women brought together by the personal and divided by the political, as both seek to accomplish the greatest good.

Played by Dr. ayodele nzinga, May N’Kame, the mother of a deadly African dictator, travels to England to see Dr. Cora Gage (Teresa Foss) about medical treatment for her failing eyesight. But what she really wants is a poison to assassinate her son. Gage is then put in a personal dilemma to either uphold her vow to ‘do no harm,’ or help put an end to the atrocities the dictator visits on his people.

“While the Empire’s location is fictional, a very real genocide is happening in the Congo right now that many of us are ignoring,” Brooks observed. “We set this play there in hopes of utilizing theater to make audiences aware of injustices moving in places and amongst people that mainstream media omits from its headlines.

“In these times, it is more important than ever that theater do more than just entertain. It must tell tales that ignite us into action.”

Also explored in Going to St. Ives are themes of motherhood and sacrifice. What does it cost mothers to raise sons only to lose them to the violence of the world? What experiences are shared amongst mothers across race, class, and country?

“Going to St. Ives examines the weight of privilege against the cost of ‘being responsible’ in a world carved by colonialism, greed, and loss in a high-stakes chess game between two women with only one thing in common,” said nzinga who is also the artistic director of Lower Bottom Playaz.

The play was first performed in 1997 in Seattle, eventually enjoying a highly praised off-Broadway run in New York in 2005.

For this production, Lower Bottom Playaz is partnering with non-government organizations that focus on raising awareness and providing support to displaced refugees across the diaspora, emphasizing community solidarity and collective action.

“Going to St. Ives” premieres on July 9 at BAM House in the Sister Thea Theater, 1540 Broadway, Oakland, CA 94612. All performances are scheduled through July 26 on Friday and Saturday at 8 p.m. and matinees on Saturday and Sunday at 2 p.m. For tickets and more information, please visit http://www.lowerbottomplayaz.com/. Reservations: 510 332-1319, leave a message.

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Activism

‘The Oakland Street Academy Saved My Life’

The first time a teacher pulled up a chair to sit next to me to help me out, I panicked because no adult had ever sat so close to me in any kind of a caring or helping way. My English teacher, Kitty (Epstein), would make the biggest impact in my life. I didn’t know then what it meant to have a teacher who would care about me enough to spend her precious time with me even through all of my frustration about learning and thinking the whole time I couldn’t learn anything because I thought I was stupid.

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Mural at the Emiliano Zapata Oakland Street Academy, an alternative high school in the Oakland Unified School District, located at 417 29th St. in Oakland. Phone: (510) 874-3630.
Mural at the Emiliano Zapata Oakland Street Academy, an alternative high school in the Oakland Unified School District, located at 417 29th St. in Oakland. Phone: (510) 874-3630.

By Ze Segundo, Special to The Post

This is an autobiographical statement by a former Street Academy student who overcame many obstacles in the1970s, attended S.F. State University, and built a successful life for herself.

I was born and raised in Oakland, living in a household with a single mother and eight children. My life was chaotic: I never felt loved, never hearing the words, “I love you.”

I was 4 years old when all of us were sent to foster homes. There, my little sister and I were tortured. I believe we were there a little over a year.

When we finally returned home to our mother, she had a new husband who was very abusive to all of us including my mother.

I and my other sisters were sexually abused by two uncles and my big brother. I remember my uncle choking me and telling me if I told anyone, he would kill me and my little brother – so I didn’t tell. I was terrified of him. I tried to stay away from him as much as possible, but that’s kind of hard to do when a sexual predator lives with you.

My mother would have parties on the weekends where there would be many people drinking and fighting. The police were often at my home. I hated Sunday mornings because my mother would make us kids clean up after the parties. The house had the stench of cigarettes and booze.

Having to clean up other people’s vomit made me sick to my stomach. This is when I started to drink myself. Taking sips of leftover alcohol in glasses and beer cans. That would be the start of my alcoholism.

I started cutting myself when I was 11 years old and didn’t know why. I think it was because it made me feel something different and somehow made whatever I was feeling go away for the moment.

I didn’t have many friends and didn’t have any social skills. I was very shy and withdrawn. In my early teen I couldn’t look people in the eyes. If I was walking down the street and someone was walking towards me, I would purposely cross the street, so I didn’t have to have contact with them.

I was terrified of the world around me. I didn’t even talk to my mother much because I didn’t know what kind of mood she would be in. I learned to stay silent and stay away from her.

My grandmother lived in Hayward; my sister, brother and I took a bus from Oakland to attend junior high school there. Because I didn’t have any social skills, the kids would tease me and bully me. I had to fight a lot, so much that my brother and I were kicked out; they didn’t want any of us in their schools.

After we were kicked out of the school district, I tried to attend a junior high in Oakland, but the noise in the classroom overwhelmed me. The sounds rumbled in my ears.

Again, I was bullied and teased. So, I stopped going to school. I would leave the house with my brothers and sisters but didn’t set foot into any classroom after that. I just wandered the streets until it was time to go home.

It was a very chaotic home life, and I was a severely abused child, overwhelmed with everything around me.

When I was 15, a social worker talked to my mother about sending me to Oakland Street Academy. My mother thought it was a continuation school, where the worst students went.

I didn’t want to go to Street Academy, fearful of being bullied again, but I was tired of hanging out in the street all day. I thought the Street Academy was strange, a school that took over an old furniture store building. It was an open floor plan with partitions that sectioned off classes.

During class, we could hear the buses go by and people talking as they were walking by. I was still painfully shy and withdrawn. I would show up to school early, so I didn’t have to walk past other students in the classroom. I didn’t speak to any students and barely spoke to the teachers. Even when class was going on, I would sit across the room in a small chair and table between two lockers.

I isolated myself from the rest of the class, not really knowing why, but that’s where I sat. I had a third-grade reading level at age 15 and couldn’t spell much at all.

The first time a teacher pulled up a chair to sit next to me to help me out, I panicked because no adult had ever sat so close to me in any kind of a caring or helping way. My English teacher, Kitty (Epstein), would make the biggest impact in my life. I didn’t know then what it meant to have a teacher who would care about me enough to spend her precious time with me even through all of my frustration about learning and thinking the whole time I couldn’t learn anything because I thought I was stupid.

Kitty told me that I could learn, and that there were no stupid students. I remember one time a small group of students walked to fast food restaurants just to read the menu because reading anything is better than reading nothing at all.

Kitty didn’t give up on me – so, I didn’t give up on myself.

School was difficult for me because so many things were going on at home. It was hard for me to focus, but the teachers were really patient with me. Street Academy empowered students by teaching Chicano studies and Black studies. We were learning about our own histories and cultures. Street Academy students participated in demonstrations like the United Farm Workers grape boycott of the mid-1970s. We learned that we could make a difference with our voices. It was a great self-esteem builder.

In many ways, Street Academy saved my life because I was going nowhere.
The minute I set foot into that school I knew it was something special. It took me four years to graduate because I was so far behind in my schooling, and I was dyslexic.

When I left Street Academy, I was reading college material and attended San Francisco State University. I was the first in my family to graduate high school and the first to go to college. As a 15-year-old with CPTSD (Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder), I accomplished what I thought would never happen to me.

I am grateful to the school’s staff and what Street Academy stands for. Schools and teachers should treat students like human beings, care about them, spend a little extra time, believe in them, and they will believe in themselves because you never know what students are going through and what they have experienced in their past that affects their learning.

There are no stupid kids, bad kids, or lazy kids, only kids who need to be understood and loved. Street Academy gave all of that to me.

During the 1970s, Ze Segundo attended the Oakland Street Academy, an Oakland Unified School District school now known as Emiliano Zapata Street Academy located at 417 29th St. in Oakland.

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Arts and Culture

Prescott Circus Theatre Presents Free Summer Performance Series

Now in its 41st year, the Prescott Circus Theatre is a nationally recognized performing arts education program for Oakland youth. The circus offers safe environments that challenge Oakland youth, through circus arts training, to develop the skills and confidence to thrive on stage, in school, and in life.

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Prescott Circus showcase pathways pyramid. Photo courtesy of Prescott Circus.
Prescott Circus showcase pathways pyramid. Photo courtesy of Prescott Circus.

By Post Staff

The Prescott Circus, Oakland’s longest-running youth circus, is returning this summer with its free shows. Join the Prescott Circus’s young stars as they share their joys and talents through stilt-dancing, tumbling, juggling, and more.

At the heart of this one-hour show, which demonstrates teamwork, pride, and joy, are Oakland Unified School District students ages 8 – 17 from more than 10 different schools

Now in its 41st year, the Prescott Circus Theatre is a nationally recognized performing arts education program for Oakland youth. The circus offers safe environments that challenge Oakland youth, through circus arts training, to develop the skills and confidence to thrive on stage, in school, and in life.

This is accomplished through no-cost school and community programs for more than 300 Oakland youth each year. Performing company members from Prescott, where the program began, perform and make appearances at as many as 40 Bay Area events each year.

The summer program is funded in part by Oakland Fund for Children and Youth, California Arts Council, Port of Oakland, and the West Davis & Bergard Foundation.

Performances will be held Tuesday, July 14, 11 a.m. and 1:30 p.m. (ASL interpreted) and Wednesday, July 15, 11 a.m., at the Malonga Casquelourd Center for the Arts, 1428 Alice St., Oakland. For free reservations go to

https://PrescottCircusSummerShows.eventbrite.com

For group reservations for camps, childcare centers, senior centers, go to www.prescottcircus.org

A community show will be held Saturday, July 18, 2 p.m. to 3 p.m., at DeFremery Park,1651 Adeline St., Oakland.

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