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OP-ED: We Need to Talk About Domestic Violence

BLACKPRESSUSA NEWSWIRE — The truth is, we all know someone who is experiencing domestic violence. By the time you finish reading this, three women will have been murdered by an intimate partner. But here is the hope: We have the knowledge, the tools, and the programs to stop it.

Published

12 months ago

October 23, 2025

admin

By Nathaniel M. Fields
CEO, Urban Resource Institute

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, a time to honor survivors, remember those we have lost, and confront one of the most pervasive and deadly forms of violence in our society. Yet year after year, this month passes with too little outrage and too little action.

As a Black man and the CEO of the Urban Resource Institute, the largest provider of domestic violence shelter services in the United States, I feel a deep responsibility to speak plainly. Domestic violence is a shadow pandemic in America.

Every minute, 24 people experience physical, emotional, or psychological harm from an intimate partner. One in four women and one in seven men will endure this abuse in their lifetime. By the end of the day, three women would have been murdered by an intimate partner. For Black and brown women, the impact is far more devastating-both in scale and in severity.

Across the country, systemic inequities make safety, healing, and justice painfully out of reach. Black women represent only 14 percent of the U.S. population but account for 31 percent of intimate partner homic ides. They are three and a half times more likely to be killed by a partner than white women and five times more likely to die by firearm during pregnancy. Between 201O and 2021, the number of Black women killed by guns tripled, with domestic violence driving much of that increase.

These are not just statistics. They are lives lost, families shattered, and communities left grieving in silence. And still, domestic violence remains one of the most underreported crimes in America. Too many survivors, especially women of color, stay silent out of fear, discrimination, or mistrust of systems that have too often failed to protect them.

For Black and brown women, those fears are magnified by economic abuse, the hidden weapon of control. Nearly every survivor experiences some form of financial coercion. Partners withhold money, destroy credit, sabotage jobs, and seize vital documents. When someone cannot open a bank account, work, or pay rent without permission, leaving is not a choice-it becomes a matter of survival.

We must face a hard truth: we cannot end domestic violence without addressing economic abuse and homelessness.

While the Violence Against Women Act in 1995 marked a turning point, our systems still fall short. Survivors need more than shelter. They need economic independence, accountability for those who have caused harm, and prevention that begins early.

At the Urban Resource Institute, we meet survivors where they are. We provide safe, trauma-informed shelters for individuals, families, and even their pets because safety should never come with conditions. We equip survivors with job readiness, legal support, and financial tools to rebuild their lives with stability and dignity. We reach young people through our Relationship Abuse Prevention Program, teaching what healthy relationships look like long before abuse begins. And through our Abusive Partner Intervention Program, we work directly with those who have caused harm to build accountability and change.

These programs work. They are changing lives every day. Yet too often, funding for prevention and intervention is seen as optional rather than essential. If we are serious about ending domestic violence, we must invest in solutions that address the full continuum-from emergency shelter to long-term stability, from survivor safety to offender ac countability.

The truth is, we all know someone who is experiencing domestic violence. By the time you finish reading this, three women will have been murdered by an intimate partner. But here is the hope: We have the knowledge, the tools, and the programs to stop it.

What we need now is the will.

We must raise awareness, remove stigma, and make resources visible and accessible. Policymakers must prioritize prevention and invest in grassroots organizations that meet survivors where they are. Communities must speak up, believe survivors, and hold abusers accountable.

This generation has the power to end the shadow pandemic. We can make safety, healing, and justice a reality for every survivor-if we act now.

Let’s get to work.

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Smooth Ride! Car Suspension & Comfort Tested #shorts

Smooth suspension meets surprisingly spacious legroom. Experience true comfort on any road!

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Car suspension test demonstrating a smooth ride, comfort features, and handling on various terrains.

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61 years since Selma, Houston leaders say the bridge remains to be crossed

61 years after Selma, Houston leaders say the fight for equality continues. The issues that sparked the marches still impact Black Americans today.

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2 weeks ago

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Oakland Post

Houston leaders discuss the ongoing struggle for civil rights 61 years after Selma, emphasizing the need for continued action.

It has been 61 years since the Selma marches. But political leaders in Houston say that the issues protesters were marching for still plague the lives of Black Americans.

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Here is what you need to know about finding unique white elephant gift ideas that everyone wants to steal

The best white elephant gift ideas are funny enough to get a reaction but useful enough that people actually want to steal them. Look for gifts with a surprise factor, broad appeal, an inside joke, and just enough personality to spark some friendly competition. The wrapping paper comes off, the room goes quiet for half […]

Published

2 weeks ago

October 4, 2026

Oakland Post

The best white elephant gift ideas are funny enough to get a reaction but useful enough that people actually want to steal them. Look for gifts with a surprise factor, broad appeal, an inside joke, and just enough personality to spark some friendly competition.

The wrapping paper comes off, the room goes quiet for half a second, and suddenly everyone wants the same gift. That is the sweet spot. A great white elephant pick should make people laugh, lean in, and start plotting their next steal before the turn is even over.

Should a White Elephant Gift Be Funny or Useful?

A white elephant gift can be funny or useful, but the strongest choices usually give people a reason to laugh and a reason to keep the item. A practical gift with an odd design, unexpected feature, or playful theme can get a reaction without becoming something the recipient immediately wants to give away.

The right balance depends on the group. Close friends and family members may enjoy a ridiculous gag gift because they already understand one another’s sense of humor.

A workplace exchange, neighborhood party, or mixed-age gathering usually calls for something with broader appeal. In those settings, humor works better when it is built into an item people could still use afterward.

It also helps to think about how quickly the gift will make sense once it is opened. A strangely shaped kitchen tool, oversized mug, quirky desk accessory, or unexpectedly fancy everyday item can create an immediate reaction. Guests understand the joke right away, while the item still has enough practical value to attract a steal.

Pure gag gifts can be harder to pull off. Something that exists only for the punchline may get a big laugh during the reveal and then sit untouched for the rest of the game. If the goal is to bring one of the gifts everyone keeps fighting over, usefulness gives the joke staying power.

Memorable Present Ideas: Creating Inside Joke Gifts

Inside joke gifts can make a white elephant exchange feel much more personal, especially when most of the group shares the same stories. The trick is choosing a reference that people will recognize quickly instead of building the entire joke around something only two guests understand.

You can turn a memorable vacation mishap, office catchphrase, family story, or long-running group joke into the theme of the gift. A personalized comic book can work especially well when it turns familiar people or a ridiculous shared moment into part of the story.

Think carefully about who the joke involves before ordering anything permanent. The gift should make the person feel included in the fun, not singled out for the wrong reason.

Can You Bring Something You Already Own?

Holiday gift exchanges can be a good place to re-gift something you never used, especially if it is unopened and clean.

The following can all work if they still look presentable:

A duplicate kitchen gadget
An untouched game
A decorative item
A sealed gift set
An unopened candle
A new travel accessory

The goal is to give the item a second chance, not use the exchange as an excuse to clear out damaged or unwanted clutter.

Take a close look at the packaging before wrapping it. Faded boxes, missing pieces, visible wear, or anything that looks obviously used can make the gift feel careless.

Wrapping Budget-Friendly Gifts

Wrapping can make gifts more entertaining before anyone even knows what’s inside.

Misdirection works especially well for fun party games. Put a small gift inside a much larger box. Use packaging from an unrelated household item.

Add harmless weight so guests cannot guess what they are holding. The reveal becomes part of the joke without changing the gift itself.

You can also lean into the theme of the exchange. Bright paper, oversized bows, reusable bags, or deliberately over-the-top wrapping can make an ordinary item feel more memorable. If the gift itself is already funny, simple wrapping may work better so the surprise stays hidden until the last second.

Frequently Asked Questions

Is Picking Last an Advantage in White Elephant?

Picking last can be an advantage because you get to see almost every gift before making your move. Instead of choosing blindly from the remaining wrapped presents, you can steal something that has already caught your attention if the rules still allow it.

That advantage depends on the house rules. Some games limit how many times a gift can be stolen.

Others lock an item once it reaches a certain number of steals. If the most popular gifts are already unavailable, the final player may have fewer strong options than expected.

The first player can also get another turn at the end in some versions of the game. That rule can balance things out, since the person who started with the least information may get one final chance to steal.

How Do You Plan White Elephant for a Large Group?

For a large white elephant exchange, set a firm spending limit and establish the stealing rules in advance.

Create a clear turn order before the game begins. Drawing numbers as guests arrive can save time once everyone is ready to start.

Keep the number of steals per gift limited so the game does not drag on. It also helps to have one person track which creative holiday presents have been stolen and when they are locked, especially if dozens of people are participating.

Can You Play White Elephant Virtually?

A virtual white elephant exchange can work over a video call, with one person keeping track of the turn order and each steal. Guests can either mail physical gifts ahead of time or use digital gifts that can be delivered once the game ends.

Set the spending limit and stealing rules before everyone joins. It also helps to decide how gifts will be revealed and who is responsible for sending each one afterward so the exchange does not become confusing.