Arts and Culture

A Domestic Violence Survivor’s Reflection on Pain

Published

4 years ago

October 21, 2020

Wanda Sabir. Photo courtesy of author.

I am a domestic violence survivor. The malady, “a post-slavery relic,”[1] does not skip generations. I watched my father hit my mother. The term “beaten” doesn’t quite reflect what I recall—my mother resisted, just as her embodied mothers had before her. The idea of “family,” something she desired, kept pulling her back until she finally left.

When Mama left my father, brother and me, the terror did not stop. We were also slapped, hit, beheaded. I left one evening with my head in one hand, packed bag in the other, and stepped into a worse horror, a bed I could not vacate until buzzards circled my door as the black widower departed.

I was 29. That ex-husband morphed into several other fatalities.— All Muslim men—Sufi, NOI converts to Sunni . . . emancipated and still shackled. They were no good. None of them. I kept marrying my father over and over again, until now I just keep my distance from any intimate relationships[2]

Forty years ago I asked the Imam at the Muslim Center I attended if we could host a circle for women survivors of domestic violence. He agreed and said I could host it. But I didn’t want to host it, I just wanted to attend one.

I’d still like to attend such a circle composed of women raised Muslim from the Nation of Islam forward, not women born outside the U.S. A circle for women who have had ayats, or Qur’an verses, shoved down their throats, ayats that condone male violence against women.

“Beat her lightly. . . . [She deserved it.]” “Men are the caretakers of women.” “You may dislike a thing that brings about a great deal of good” (Qur’an)
Beat her lightly. . . ., one verse says. She deserved it. Men are the caretakers of women.

I didn’t have anywhere to run. I asked. I looked for announcements along an underground railroad. There were no safe houses, no shelters, no abolitionist movement.

My father told me “a woman’s place is with her husband.” I should have expected such a response, but I didn’t, so I stayed with the abuser until I had a job that could support me and two daughters – three long scary years.

I just wanted to get away before they, too, bore witness and became trapped in memories, nightmares haunting me even now.

I don’t think my daughters have suffered such abuse in their relationships, but I can’t say the same will be true for their children. Perhaps such violence lies dormant like a sleeper cell and gets triggered in certain circumstances?

I have experienced physical and emotional abuse. I think the emotional abuse is worse because it is here that the insidious manipulation happens, the wounds invisible so that the victim can think she imagined such. This is what the perpetrator wants us to believe. Sisters, I say the wounds are real. They show themselves in indecision, self-doubt, low self-esteem, depression, anxiety, and suicide.

I keep a therapist employed. I think this is why I am still alive and functional 41 years after the first time I was hit, pregnant with my first child. It was at Lake Merritt. I was sitting in a swing by the bird sanctuary.

Wanda Sabir is the Co-Founder and CEO of MAAFA SF-Bay Area and host of Wanda’s Picks Radio show.

[1] From a poem entitled “Buried Placenta” from Volume I: Daddy’s Girl ©Wanda Sabir 2018

[2] From a poem entitled “Virgin Happy Hour” from Volume I: Daddy’s Girl ©Wanda Sabir 2018

Michelle Snider

Associate Editor for The Post News Group. Writer, Photographer, Videographer, Copy Editor, and website editor documenting local events in the Oakland-Bay Area California area.

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Arts and Culture

Kedrick Armstrong: New Music Director for the Oakland Symphony

The Oakland Symphony Announced Kedrick Armstrong as its Next Music Director. In addition to conducting the orchestra’s public concerts, Armstrong will also actively participate in the Oakland Symphony’s many education and community engagement programs, designed to inspire a love of music in people of all ages.

Published

1 week ago

April 20, 2024

Oakland Post

Kedrick Armstrong is the new music director for the Oakland Symphony. Photo credit Scott Chernis.

By Post Staff

The Oakland Symphony Announced Kedrick Armstrong as its Next Music Director.
In addition to conducting the orchestra’s public concerts, Armstrong will also actively participate in the Oakland Symphony’s many education and community engagement programs, designed to inspire a love of music in people of all ages.

Armstrong is the successor to previous music director and Conductor Michael Morgan, who passed away in 2021 after a 30-year tenure at the Symphony.

Armstrong will open the Oakland Symphony 2024-2025 season on October 18.

Armstrong, who is 29 and hails from Georgetown, South Carolina, is currently the creative partner and principal conductor of the Knox-Galesburg Symphony.

The Chicago Tribune has praised Armstrong for his ability to “simply let the score speak for itself.” He enjoys a wide range of repertoire, spanning early music to premiering new works, using his joy and curiosity for all music to cultivate understanding and collaboration within diverse communities.
“I am deeply honored and grateful for the opportunity to serve as the new music director of the Oakland Symphony,” Armstrong said. “As a Black conductor, I find it humbling to stand on the shoulders of both Michael Morgan and Calvin Simmons,” the most recent and the first African American music directors of the Symphony, respectively.

Armstrong led three programs at the Symphony between 2022 and early 2024, which showcased his broad knowledge of the classical repertoire and enthusiasm for spotlighting diverse voices.
On his Oakland Symphony subscription debut on Feb. 16, Armstrong led the world premiere of “Here I Stand: Paul Robeson,” an oratorio by Carlos Simon on a libretto by Dan Harder, commissioned by the Oakland Symphony.

Armstrong was selected unanimously by the Oakland Symphony’s board of directors and musicians after an extensive two-year search. “The search committee was overwhelmed by Kedrick’s scholarship and curiosity about all kinds of music, from classical and jazz to gospel and hip-hop,” said. Dr. Mieko Hatano, executive director of the Oakland Symphony. “We are thrilled to have him join us at the Oakland Symphony.”

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Arts and Culture

Faces Around the Bay Dr. Carl Blake, Pianist

Born in Liberty, Missouri, Carl Blake, a virtuoso and respected pianist, made his most recent migration to the East Bay in 1999. One might have seen him performing recently at Noontime Concerts in San Francisco, or at the Piedmont Center for the Arts in Oakland. He is Director of Music at The Church for the Fellowship of All Peoples in San Francisco. He was also co-organizer and collaborative pianist at Herbst Theater for The Majesty of the Spirituals concert in 2022 and has held several church positions in the Bay Area.

Published

2 weeks ago

April 17, 2024

Oakland Post

Dr. Carl Blake

By Barbara Fluhrer

Born in Liberty, Missouri, Carl Blake, a virtuoso and respected pianist, made his most recent migration to the East Bay in 1999.

One might have seen him performing recently at Noontime Concerts in San Francisco, or at the Piedmont Center for the Arts in Oakland. He is Director of Music at The Church for the Fellowship of All Peoples in San Francisco. He was also co-organizer and collaborative pianist at Herbst Theater for The Majesty of the Spirituals concert in 2022 and has held several church positions in the Bay Area.

Blake obtained a Bachelor of Music from Boston University and continued post-baccalaureate studies in Jamaica before earning a Master of Arts in Music at San Jose State University. He was the recipient of two Fulbright residencies in Honduras and completed a third residency at the University of St. Petersburg in Russia. He has a Doctor of Musical Arts from Cornell University.

At age 19, Blake, then an undergraduate piano major at Boston University, was “discovered” by Impresario Dr. W. Hazaiah Williams, who is the Founder and Director of Today’s Artists/Four Seasons Arts.

Williams honored Blake by awarding him the first Marian Anderson Young Artist Award. Anderson personally presented the award at the Masonic Auditorium in S.F. Subsequently, Blake was presented by Dr. Williams in his San Francisco debut at The Herbst Theatre. Williams subsidized a year of study abroad for Blake at the Paris Conservatory of Music. Additionally, Williams sponsored Blake’s New York Weill Hall debut, where he has performed twice since. Blake performed several times at the Yachats Music Festival in Oregon.

Blake continues to perform nationally and abroad. His hobbies are reading, baking and travel. He says, “I’m still pumping ivories, as Belgian pianist Jeanne Stark described the disciplined practice of concert piano.”

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Arts and Culture

Oakland Jazz Great Offers Master Class as City Declares “John Handy Day”

World-renowned jazz master saxophonist John Handy, a McClymond’s High School graduate, was presented with a Mayor of Oakland Proclamation declaring Feb. 12, as John Handy Day in the city. Handy is most notably known as the featured saxophonist for Charles Mingus on “Goodbye Pork Pie Hat” from the album “Mingus Ah Um” (1959) and on “Hard Work” from his own album “Hard Work” (1976).

Published

2 months ago

February 24, 2024

Oakland Post

(L-R) Del Handy, John Handy, Roger Glenn, and Joe Warner celebrate John Handy Day at Geoffrey’s Inner Circle, Oakland. Photo by Lady Bianca.

By Conway Jones

World-renowned jazz master saxophonist John Handy, a McClymond’s High School graduate, was presented with a Mayor of Oakland Proclamation declaring Feb. 12, as John Handy Day in the city.

Handy is most notably known as the featured saxophonist for Charles Mingus on “Goodbye Pork Pie Hat” from the album “Mingus Ah Um” (1959) and on “Hard Work” from his own album “Hard Work” (1976).

“John Handy is a jazz icon and an inspiration to musicians everywhere,” said Ayo Brame, a 16-year-old Oakland tenor saxophone player who is enrolled at the Oakland School for the Arts.

In celebration of this day, the reception in downtown Oakland at Geoffrey’s Inner Circle was a gathering of artists, young and old, coming together in his honor and celebrating his 91st birthday.

Handy presented a Saxophone Colossus free masterclass for musicians. This class afforded a rare opportunity to learn about the saxophone from an aficionado. The class was free and open to all – saxophonists, vocalists, aficionados, students, and casual listeners.

“As a longtime friend for over 60 years, and fellow musician who has had numerous opportunities to share the stage with John, it has always been a pleasure performing with him and hearing his creative interpretations of the music and his gift of ease inspiring the next generation of jazz musicians,” said Roger Glenn, a multi-instrumentalist.