By Paméla Michelle Tate, Ph.D., California Black Media Partners

It was the Monday morning after her husband had a “situation” involving their child, resulting in food flying in the kitchen and a broken plate.

Before that incident, tensions had been escalating, and after years of unhappiness, she finally garnered enough courage to go to the courthouse to file for a divorce.

She was sent to an on-site workshop, and the process seemed to be going well until the facilitator asked, “Have you experienced domestic abuse?” She quickly replied, “No, my husband has never hit me.”

The facilitator continued the questionnaire and asked, “Has your husband been emotionally abusive, sexually abusive, financially abusive, technologically abusive, or spiritually abusive?”

She thought about how he would thwart her plans to spend time with family and friends, the arguments, and the many years she held her tongue. She reflected on her lack of access to “their money,” him snooping in her purse, checking her social media, computer, and emails, and the angry blowups where physical threats were made against both her and their children.

At that moment, she realized she had been in a long-suffering domestic abuse relationship.

After reading this, you might not consider the relationship described above as abusive — or you might read her account and wonder, “How didn’t she know that she was in an abusive relationship?”

Survivors sometimes lack awareness about the dynamics of healthy relationships, particularly when one has not been modeled for them at home. Media often minimizes domestic abuse, pushing the imagery of loyalty and love for one’s partner above everything — even harm.

After working with survivors at Black Women Revolt Against Domestic Violence in San Francisco, California, I have learned a great deal from a variety of survivors. Here are some insights:

Abuse thrives in isolation.
Societal tolerance of abusive behavior is prevalent in the media, workplaces, and even churches, although there are societal rules about the dos and don’ts in relationships.

Survivors are groomed into isolation.
Survivors are emotionally abused and manipulated almost from the beginning of their relationships through love-bombing. They are encouraged or coerced into their own little “love nest,” isolating them from family and friends.

People who harm can be charismatic and fun.
Those outside the relationship often struggle to believe the abuser would harm their partner until they witness or experience the abusive behavior firsthand.

Survivors fear judgment.
Survivors fear being judged by family, friends, peers, and coworkers and are afraid to speak out.

Survivors often still love their partners.
This is not Stockholm Syndrome; it’s love. Survivors remember the good times and don’t want to see their partner jailed; they simply want the abuse to stop.

The financial toll of abuse is devastating.
According to the Allstate Foundation’s study, 74% of survivors cite lack of money as the main reason for staying in abusive relationships. Financial abuse often prevents survivors from renting a place to stay. Compounding this issue is the lack of availability of domestic abuse shelters.

The main thing I have learned from this work is that survivors are resilient and the true experts of their own stories and their paths to healing. So, when you encounter a survivor, please take a moment to acknowledge their journey to healing and applaud their strength and progress.

About the Author

Paméla Michelle Tate, Ph.D., is executive director of Black Women Revolt Against Domestic Violence in San Francisco.

Oakland Post

Posts by Oakland Post

Part 2

By Magaly Muñoz

Resource Director Zain Shabbir is a jack-of-all-trades at the Suitcase Clinic, a student-run resource center that provides health and other services to underserved residents of Berkeley and surrounding areas.

Shabbir was once a clinic director. Now, he manages the General Clinic, floating around when case managers need assistance. And he has big plans for a new initiative.

During his three years volunteering at the program, Shabbir says he noticed that many of the people who come in do not know how to navigate social services support systems, particularly online. This knowledge deficit, Shabbir says, is due to age or limited exposure to technology.

So, he teaches clients the basics of using email, writing in word documents, and backing up files to their phones.

Shabbir shared a story about an interaction he had with a woman who came in seeking help to create a template to message property owners and realtors as she was seeking housing. Until that point, the woman was composing separate messages to each listing she was interested in, and that process was taking up too much of her time. With Shabbir’s help, she created a standard template she could modify and use for each housing inquiry or application.

He’s also hoping to use the technology to help people create resumes to find jobs.

Trending

WCCUSD Kindergarten Registration Starts Jan. 14

“[The intent] is to help people find work in the city or wherever they live — or help them find housing. As most are probably aware, the two really go together because for housing, you need income verification, and for a job you need housing,” Shabbir said.

Having a warm place to go and a hot meal may seem basic buy it is critical for people who are struggling, clinic leaders say.

Mark, a frequent attendee of the Tuesday clinic, told the Oakland Post that he’s been receiving services from the program for nearly 25 years.

Mark said he was able to receive a referral to dental care through the Clinic, which he’s been using for about 20 years now. He also utilized the chiropractor, a service that is no longer offered, for pain and aches he acquired over the years.

Many program participants say they visit the clinic now for services provided by Berkeley medical students, who rely on osteopathic care rather than traditional methods. Osteopathic medicine is a medical philosophy and practice that focuses on the whole person, rather than just symptoms.

Executive director Nilo Golchini said that many clinic patients tend to appreciate and trust this type of medicine over mainstream practices because of sub-standard care they have received in the past because they are homeless or poor.

Acupuncture is also an extremely popular station at the Clinic as well, with participants saying it “soothes and calms” them.

Attendees of the clinic are generally in happy spirits throughout the hours they’re able to interact with fellow residents. Some even participate in arts and crafts, moving from table to show their friends their new creations.

“It’s a program that’s going strong,” said Golchini. “There’s a space for everyone” who wants to volunteer or receive services, and they’ll keep going as long as the community needs it.

The Suitcase General Clinic is open every Tuesday from 6:30 to 9:30pm. Women’s and Youth Clinics are held every Monday from 6 to 9pm.

Oakland Post

Posts by Oakland Post

By Edward Henderson, California Black Media

Frontline Doulas provides African American families non-medical professional perinatal services at no cost.

This includes physical, emotional, informational, psychosocial and advocacy support during the pregnancy, childbirth and postpartum period. Women of all ages — with all forms of insurance — are accepted and encouraged to apply for services.

California Black Media (CBM) spoke with co-founder Khefri Riley. She reflected on Frontline’s accomplishments this year and the organization’s goals moving forward.

Responses have been edited for clarity and length.

Looking back at 2024, what stands out to you as your most important achievement and why? 

In 2024, we are humbled to have been awarded the contract for the Los Angeles County Medical Doula Hub, which means that we are charged with creating a hub of connectivity and support for generating training and helping to create the new doula workforce for the medical doula benefit that went live in California on Jan. 1, 2023.

How did your leadership and investments contribute to improving the lives of Black Californians? 

We believe that the revolution begins in the womb. What we mean by that is we have the potential and the ability to create intentional generational healing from the moment before a child was conceived, when a child was conceived, during this gestational time, and when a child is born.

And there’s a traditional saying in Indigenous communities that what we do now affects future generations going forward. So, the work that we do with birthing families, in particular Black birthing families, is to create powerful and healthy outcomes for the new generation so that we don’t have to replicate pain, fear, discrimination, or racism.

What frustrated you the most over the last year?

Working in reproductive justice often creates a heavy burden on the organization and the caregivers who deliver the services most needed to the communities. So, oftentimes, we’re advocating for those whose voices are silenced and erased, and you really have to be a warrior to stand strong and firm.

What inspired you the most over the last year?

My great-grandmother. My father was his grandmother’s midwife assistant when he was a young boy. I grew up with their medicine stories — the ways that they healed the community and were present to the community, even amidst Jim Crow.

What is one lesson you learned in 2024 that will inform your decision-making next year?

I find that you have to reach for your highest vision, and you have to stand firm in your value. You have to raise your voice, speak up and demand, and know your intrinsic value.

In a word, what is the biggest challenge Black Californians face?

Amplification. We cannot allow our voices to be silent.

What is the goal you want to achieve most in 2025?

I really would like to see a reduction in infant mortality and maternal mortality within our communities and witness this new birth worker force be supported and integrated into systems. So, that way, we fulfill our goal of healthy, unlimited birth in the Black community and indeed in all birthing communities in Los Angeles and California.

Oakland Post

Posts by Oakland Post