National

Rape’s Other Victims

Published

11 years ago

February 10, 2015

Tiffany Perry, a child of rape, says that there are no services targeted to people conceived through sexual assault. (Photo by Tiffany Perry)

By Jazelle Hunt
NNPA Washington Correspondent

SECOND IN A SERIES

WASHINGTON (NNPA) – The first time Tiffany Perry learned about her conception, she was too innocent to fully understand the gentle explanation her mother was offering, too young to process such a heavy and complicated behavior.

What she distinctly remembers is watching “Oprah” with her mom a few years later, as a 10-year-old. It was the television episode in which Oprah revealed to the world that she was a rape survivor.

“When [Oprah] said herself, and started crying…my mom just fell apart,” the 39-year-old Jersey City, N.J. native recounted. “I tried to console her, but she was inconsolable. It was just so intense.”

At 15 years old, Perry’s mother was raped by her foster mother’s 21-year-old married son. His wife had invited Perry’s mother into their home to babysit their child and to escape her foster mother’s wrath.

Her foster brother raped her repeatedly for two weeks, sometimes at knifepoint. Despite being a virgin at the time and under the care of the state, few people bothered to inquire about the details of the pregnancy. Plus, the fact that he had threatened to kill her, kept Perry’s mother silent.

“Maybe, as a Black person, they just saw this as another teenage pregnancy, and nobody really asked any questions,” Perry said, trying to explain the unexplainable. “I can’t say with certainty…but I’m thinking that if she was White in a foster home and her belly started to grow, then maybe a flag would’ve went up somewhere and somebody would’ve investigated more as to why this foster child is pregnant.”

In subsequent years, freed by the Oprah episode, Perry’s mother became more forthcoming.

“As I grew up, she told me more details of the attack. It was like she had been carrying this around the whole time.”
But opening that door triggered another set of emotions in Perry.

“I went through different feelings of inadequacy, feeling like I had to overcompensate because I was a child of a rape. Even now, when I say the word ‘inadequate,’ I get choked up,” she said, her voice trembling with emotion.

“My mom was awesome, she never talked down to me….my mom always praised me, always gave me love,” Perry said. “But I felt like…I owed it to her to be perfect so she doesn’t feel like keeping me was a mistake.”

And there was the question of what she would say when asked about her father. Perry chose to say that he was dead, that he had left, or that she didn’t know him, depending on the questioner. But even while denying his existence, there was also a deep craving to know about this man, wherever he was.

Wanted to know her roots

More than anything else, she did not want her mother to feel badly.

“I didn’t rape her, but when I was younger, I used to feel like it was my fault,” she recalled. “The dreams that she probably could have fulfilled – if she had stayed that innocent virgin who wanted to be a lawyer – she wasn’t going to be able to fulfill those because I was here.”

Instead of pursuing her dreams, Perry’s mother had to shift her focus, looking after the needs of an infant rather than look forward to a career as an attorney.

“Sometimes she was a little more paranoid than I would think is regular,” Perry said. “When I was growing up my mom was so strict, or smothering, when it came down to me, particularly.”

Once, her mother sent her to the corner store for a few items. There, she ran into a family friend, an older man. He offered to buy her something – she chose cookies – and they parted ways.

She thought nothing of it – until her mother went into a rage.

“She flew off the handle. She beat me with an extension cord. And she told me, ‘Don’t ever accept anything from a man, they can’t be trusted, you don’t know their intentions.’ I’m six. I don’t have a clue what she is talking about.

“She cried. When I got older and reminded her about the incident, she explained to me that she didn’t trust anybody, she didn’t trust any man. And she wanted me to be extra careful. She wanted to put that fear in me.”

It instilled both fear and confusion, blurring the lines of what was acceptable with the boys and men in her world.

“It’s just assumed whenever a woman gets raped, she never gets pregnant, or if she does get pregnant, the child is automatically aborted or adopted,” she said. “There’s this group of people who’ve been conceived by rape and nobody ever discusses us. I want to talk about it because we exist. I exist.”

Unresolved trauma

Philadelphia-based author, activist, and scholar Ewuare Osayande wasn’t born of this violence, but also grew up in its shadow.

His mother spent her childhood at the mercy of a sexually abusive stepfather. The oldest of eight children, she was the only one who was not his blood-relative. The abuse was the family’s open secret. She grew up to date, marry, and divorce abusive men.

Justice Department data show that Black women are more likely than their White counterparts to be assaulted, sexually and otherwise by strangers and by family members.

“It was never the case where my mother cowered in the face of her abuse. She didn’t hold her tongue, she always spoke her mind,” Osayande said.

Today, Osayande is the creator of Project ONUS: Redefining Black Manhood, a series of anti-sexist workshops for Black men. It took time and life experiences before he was able to connect the dots and realize how his mother’s abuse – some he had witnessed, some he had not – had affected his own development.

“That processing has been life-long,” he explained. “I’m a divorcée. In that relationship, I found myself becoming like the men I swore for years I would never be. It never got to the point where I became physically abusive, but certainly emotionally abusive.”

As the son of a rape and abuse survivor, and as a formerly abusive person, he also realized he had to address his own internal conflicts and beliefs.

“It’s been a very real, clear determination on my part to make sense of the life I’ve experienced as a Black man, in a gendered way,” he explained. “It’s been my desire to become an effective ally in that struggle, in that engagement in the world in which Black women exist, and experience.”

Secondary survivors need help

In the sea of services for survivors, most resources geared toward family and friends coach them on how to best support the survivor in their life. Although crisis centers and hotlines are equipped to aid and counsel family and friends of survivors, few resources address the challenges these relatives face.

The book, I Will Survive: The African American Guide to Healing from Sexual Assault and Abuse, cites a study that draws parallels between the emotions of boyfriends and husbands of women who have been sexually assaulted, and the wives and girlfriends of war veterans.

“Not surprisingly, past or recent sexual trauma can present unique challenges for the survivor’s partner,” writes Lori Robinson, author of the book. “You are a victim too. Some experts call you the secondary victim. After all you are experiencing many of the same emotions sexual assault victims feel.”

Tiffany Perry’s breaking point came about 20 years ago. A probation officer contacted her out of the blue, looking for her father. He had given her name and birthdate as his next-of-kin. She learned that not only did he know about her, but he knew where she lived. To this day, the two live less than an hour apart. She has never contacted him, but has learned a bit about his life via a cousin and aunt on Facebook.

Perry’s mother remains her primary source of support.

“When I went to go look for support groups for children of rape victims or children conceived out of rape, they’re pretty much nonexistent,” Perry says. “[Rape] is so common we don’t even cringe when we hear about it. Rape is inhumane, and people are not treating it like it’s inhumane. They just treat it like ‘Well, it happens.’”

NEXT WEEK: Should we have faith in the faith community?

PART I: Rape and the myth of the “Strong Black Woman”

(The project was made possible by a grant from the National Health Journalism Fellowship, a program of the University of Southern California Annenberg School for Communication and Journalism.)

###

Oakland Post

Posts by Oakland Post

Alameda County

Seth Curry Makes Impressive Debut with the Golden State Warriors

Seth looked comfortable in his new uniform, seamlessly fitting into the Warriors’ offensive and defensive system. He finished the night with an impressive 14 points, becoming one of the team’s top scorers for the game. Seth’s points came in a variety of ways – floaters, spot-up three-pointers, mid-range jumpers, and a handful of aggressive drives that kept the Oklahoma City Thunder defense on its heels.

Published

1 week ago

December 4, 2025

Oakland Post

Seth Curry is a point guard on the GSW team.Photo courtesy of the Golden State Warriors.

By Y’Anad Burrell

Tuesday night was anything but ordinary for fans in San Francisco as Seth Curry made his highly anticipated debut as a new member of the Golden State Warriors. Seth didn’t disappoint, delivering a performance that not only showcased his scoring ability but also demonstrated his added value to the team.

At 35, the 12-year NBA veteran on Monday signed a contract to play with the Warriors for the rest of the season.

One of the most memorable moments of the evening came before Seth even scored his first points. As he checked into the game, the Chase Center erupted into applause, with fans rising to their feet to give the newest Warrior a standing ovation.

The crowd’s reaction was a testament not only to Seth’s reputation as a sharpshooter but also to the excitement he brings to the Warriors. It was clear that fans quickly embraced Seth as one of their own, eager to see what he could bring to the team’s championship aspirations.

Warriors’ superstar Steph Curry – Seth’s brother – did not play due to an injury. One could only imagine what it would be like if the Curry brothers were on the court together. Magic in the making.

Seth’s debut proved to be a turning point for the Warriors. Not only did he contribute on the scoreboard, but he also brought a sense of confidence and composure to the floor.

While their loss last night, OKC 124 – GSW 112, Seth’s impact was a game-changer and there’s more yet to come. Beyond statistics, it was clear that Seth’s presence elevated the team’s performance, giving the Warriors a new force as they look to make a deep playoff run.

Oakland Post

Posts by Oakland Post

#NNPA BlackPress

LIHEAP Funds Released After Weeks of Delay as States and the District Rush to Protect Households from the Cold

BLACKPRESSUSA NEWSWIRE — The federal government has released $3.6 billion in home heating assistance after a delay that left states preparing for the start of winter without the program’s annual funding.

Published

2 weeks ago

December 1, 2025

Stacy M. Brown

By Stacy M. Brown
Black Press USA Senior National Correspondent

The federal government has released $3.6 billion in home heating assistance after a delay that left states preparing for the start of winter without the program’s annual funding. The Low-Income Home Energy Assistance Program, known as LIHEAP, helps eligible households pay heating and cooling bills. The release follows a shutdown that stretched 43 days and pushed agencies across the country to warn families of possible disruptions.

State officials in Minnesota, Kansas, New York, and Pennsylvania had already issued alerts that the delay could slow the processing of applications or force families to wait until December for help. In Pennsylvania, more than 300,000 households depend on the program each year. Minnesota officials noted that older adults, young children, and people with disabilities face the highest risk as temperatures fall.

The delay also raised concerns among advocates who track household debt tied to rising utility costs. National Energy Assistance Directors Association Executive Director Mark Wolfe said the funds were “essential and long overdue” and added that high arrearages and increased energy prices have strained families seeking help.

Some states faced additional pressure when other services were affected by the shutdown. According to data reviewed by national energy advocates, roughly 68 percent of LIHEAP households also receive nutrition assistance, and the freeze in multiple programs increased the financial burden on low-income residents. Wolfe said families were placed in “an even more precarious situation than usual” as the shutdown stretched into November.

In Maryland, lawmakers urged the Trump administration to release funds after the state recorded its first cold-related death of the season. The Maryland Department of Health reported that a man in his 30s was found outdoors in Frederick County when temperatures dropped. Last winter, the state documented 75 cold-related deaths, the highest number in five years. Rep Kweisi Mfume joined more than 100 House members calling for immediate federal action and said LIHEAP “is not a luxury” for the 100,000 Maryland households that rely on it. He added that seniors and veterans would be placed at risk if the program remained stalled.

Maryland Gov. Wes Moore used $10.1 million in state funds to keep benefits moving, but noted that states cannot routinely replace federal dollars. His administration said families that rely on medical equipment requiring electricity are particularly vulnerable.

The District of Columbia has already mapped out its FY26 LIHEAP structure in documents filed with the federal government. The District’s plan shows that heating assistance, cooling assistance, weatherization, and year-round crisis assistance operate from October 1 through September 30. The District allocates 50 percent of its LIHEAP funds to heating assistance, 10 percent to cooling, 13 percent to year-round crisis assistance, 15 percent to weatherization, and 10 percent to administrative costs. Two percent is used for services that help residents reduce energy needs, including education on reading utility bills and identifying energy waste.

The District’s plan lists a minimum LIHEAP benefit of $200 and a maximum of $1,800 for both heating and cooling assistance. Crisis benefits are provided separately and may reach up to $500 when needed to resolve an emergency. The plan states that a household is considered in crisis if it has been disconnected from energy service, if heating oil is at 5 percent or less of capacity, or if the household has at least $200 owed after the regular benefit is applied.

The District’s filing notes that LIHEAP staff conduct outreach through community meetings, senior housing sites, Advisory Neighborhood Commissions, social media, posters, and mass mailings. The plan confirms that LIHEAP applicants can apply in person, by mail, by email, or through a mobile-friendly online application and that physically disabled residents may request in-home visits.

As agencies nationwide begin distributing the newly released funds, states continue working through large volumes of applications. Wolfe said LIHEAP administrators “have been notified that the award letters have gone out and the states can begin to draw down the funds.”

Stacy M. Brown

Posts by Stacy M. Brown

#NNPA BlackPress

Seven Steps to Help Your Child Build Meaningful Connections

BLACKPRESSUSA NEWSWIRE — Swinging side by side with a friend on the playground. Sharing chalk over bright, colorful sidewalk drawings. Hiding behind a tree during a spirited game of hide-and-seek. These simple moments between children may seem small, but they matter more than we think

Published

2 weeks ago

December 1, 2025

Oakland Post

By Niyoka McCoy, Ed.D., Chief Learning Officer, Stride/K12

Swinging side by side with a friend on the playground. Sharing chalk over bright, colorful sidewalk drawings. Hiding behind a tree during a spirited game of hide-and-seek. These simple moments between children may seem small, but they matter more than we think: They lay the foundation for some of life’s most important skills.

Through everyday play, young children begin learning essential social and emotional skills like sharing, resolving conflicts, showing empathy, and managing their emotions. These social skills help shape emotional growth and set kids up for long-term success. Socialization in early childhood isn’t just a “nice-to-have”—it’s essential for development.

Yet today, many young children who haven’t yet started school aren’t getting enough consistent, meaningful interaction with peers. Research shows that there’s a decline in active free play and peer socialization when compared to previous generations.

There are many reasons for this. Children who are home with a parent during the day may spend most of their time with adults, limiting opportunities for peer play. Those in daycare or preschool may have restricted free play, and large classrooms can reduce supervision and social coaching. Some children live in rural areas, are homebound due to illness, have full schedules, or rely on screens to fill their playtime. And for some families, finding other families with young children to connect with isn’t easy.

While these challenges can feel significant, opportunities for connection still exist in every community. Families can take simple steps to help children build friendships, create a sense of belonging, and strengthen social skills. Here are some ideas to get started:

Storytime sessions at libraries or local bookstores
Community offerings such as parent-child workshops, art, music, gymnastics, swimming, or sports programs
Weekly events at children’s museums, which may include art projects, music workshops, or science experiments
Outdoor exploration, where kids can play with peers
Local parenting groups that organize playdates and group activities
Volunteer opportunities where children can participate, such as pet adoption events or packing meals at a food bank
Classes for kids at local businesses, including hardware, grocery, or craft stores

Some of these community activities are free or low-cost and give kids the chance to build friendships and practice social skills. Parents can also model positive social behavior by interacting with other parents and encouraging their children to play with their peers.

These may seem like small moments of connection, but they can have a powerful impact. Every time your child shares a toy, plays make-believe with peers, or races a friend down the slide, they’re not just playing—they’re learning the skills that build confidence, empathy, and lasting friendships. And it’s good for you, too. Creating intentional opportunities for play also helps you strengthen your own network of parents who can support one another as your children grow together.