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Life After Domestic Violence: What My Work With Black Women Survivors Has Taught Me

Survivors sometimes lack awareness about the dynamics of healthy relationships, particularly when one has not been modeled for them at home. Media often minimizes domestic abuse, pushing the imagery of loyalty and love for one’s partner above everything — even harm.

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Paméla Michelle Tate, Ph.D.
Paméla Michelle Tate, Ph.D.

By Paméla Michelle Tate, Ph.D., California Black Media Partners

It was the Monday morning after her husband had a “situation” involving their child, resulting in food flying in the kitchen and a broken plate.

Before that incident, tensions had been escalating, and after years of unhappiness, she finally garnered enough courage to go to the courthouse to file for a divorce.

She was sent to an on-site workshop, and the process seemed to be going well until the facilitator asked, “Have you experienced domestic abuse?” She quickly replied, “No, my husband has never hit me.”

The facilitator continued the questionnaire and asked, “Has your husband been emotionally abusive, sexually abusive, financially abusive, technologically abusive, or spiritually abusive?”

She thought about how he would thwart her plans to spend time with family and friends, the arguments, and the many years she held her tongue. She reflected on her lack of access to “their money,” him snooping in her purse, checking her social media, computer, and emails, and the angry blowups where physical threats were made against both her and their children.

At that moment, she realized she had been in a long-suffering domestic abuse relationship.

After reading this, you might not consider the relationship described above as abusive — or you might read her account and wonder, “How didn’t she know that she was in an abusive relationship?”

Survivors sometimes lack awareness about the dynamics of healthy relationships, particularly when one has not been modeled for them at home. Media often minimizes domestic abuse, pushing the imagery of loyalty and love for one’s partner above everything — even harm.

After working with survivors at Black Women Revolt Against Domestic Violence in San Francisco, California, I have learned a great deal from a variety of survivors. Here are some insights:

Abuse thrives in isolation.
Societal tolerance of abusive behavior is prevalent in the media, workplaces, and even churches, although there are societal rules about the dos and don’ts in relationships.

Survivors are groomed into isolation.
Survivors are emotionally abused and manipulated almost from the beginning of their relationships through love-bombing. They are encouraged or coerced into their own little “love nest,” isolating them from family and friends.

People who harm can be charismatic and fun.
Those outside the relationship often struggle to believe the abuser would harm their partner until they witness or experience the abusive behavior firsthand.

Survivors fear judgment.
Survivors fear being judged by family, friends, peers, and coworkers and are afraid to speak out.

Survivors often still love their partners.
This is not Stockholm Syndrome; it’s love. Survivors remember the good times and don’t want to see their partner jailed; they simply want the abuse to stop.

The financial toll of abuse is devastating.
According to the Allstate Foundation’s study, 74% of survivors cite lack of money as the main reason for staying in abusive relationships. Financial abuse often prevents survivors from renting a place to stay. Compounding this issue is the lack of availability of domestic abuse shelters.

The main thing I have learned from this work is that survivors are resilient and the true experts of their own stories and their paths to healing. So, when you encounter a survivor, please take a moment to acknowledge their journey to healing and applaud their strength and progress.

About the Author

Paméla Michelle Tate, Ph.D., is executive director of Black Women Revolt Against Domestic Violence in San Francisco.

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Agricultural Engineer Effie Gant Plans Bay Area Farmers Market Initiative

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Agricultural Engineer Effie Gant displays watermelons from her Sacramento farm at the Temescal Festival in Oakland. Photo by Carla Thomas.

In her 80s and still actively working as an agricultural engineer, Effie Gant continues to break barriers in urban farming and community leadership.

The certified USDA grower and respected urban farmer, based in South Sacramento, was recently spotted vending at the Freedom Farmers’ Market by the Temescal Street Fair on Saturday, July 11, where she proudly displayed dozens of sweet, juicy watermelons.

Festivalgoers gathered not only to purchase her produce but also to enjoy activities like the popular watermelon-eating contest. Yet beyond the festive atmosphere, Gant has a larger vision.

Gant is now setting her sights on the Bay Area, where she plans to launch a farmers’ market to increase access to fresh, locally grown food.

Known for her leadership in sustainable agriculture and food justice, she brings decades of hands-on experience and community advocacy to regions where food access remains inconsistent.

She has built a strong reputation through her work with Meadowview Urban Farm and the Yisrael Family Urban Farm, cultivating crops such as watermelons, honeydew melons, and collard greens. Her approach emphasizes sustainability, education, and empowering residents to grow their own food, even in small urban spaces. 

As a USDA-certified grower, Gant blends technical expertise with grassroots engagement to combat food insecurity.

Beyond farming, Gant serves as CEO and President of Highways to Hedges, a nonprofit focused on environmental justice and community development. She is also president of the Hampton Station Neighborhood Association and board chairman for HHCORE, where she advocates for safety, equity, and economic opportunity.

Her proposed farmers market will connect small-scale farmers with urban communities while elevating Black farmers and other underrepresented growers.

“I want to teach the next generation about farming and how lucrative it can be,” Gant said. “You don’t need hundreds of acres. You can start with one acre or even your backyard.”Gant also noted her involvement in a collective of farmers who supply produce through government-supported programs.

“We operate as a team, and we all benefit,” she said.

Through workshops, speaking engagements, and hands-on training, Gant and her organization continue to educate communities about agriculture and food justice. Her market initiative will emphasize affordability, cultural relevance, and nutrition education.

Her broader work includes creating edible forests in partnership with Soil Born Farms, planting fruit trees directly in neighborhoods to expand food access. As a mentor with the Center of Expertise on Food Justice and Health Equity, Gant remains a leading voice in building sustainable and resilient food systems.

Gant says she welcomes the community to join her in creating a new farmer’s market. 

“Farming is essential to life,” she said. “I want to train as many people as I can to use food and farming as a tool for empowerment, health, and long-term change.”



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Activism

Oakland Post: Week of July 15 – 21, 2026

The printed Weekly Edition of the Oakland Post: Week of July 15 – 21, 2026

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From Disparity Study to Solutions: Oakland Coalition and Mayor Barbara Lee Renew Commitment to Reform City Contracting

She committed to ensuring the coalition has direct access to City leadership by designating Assistant Deputy City Administrator Chuck Baker the primary liaison. Working alongside Deputy City Administrator Sofia Navarro, DWES Director Emylene Aspilla, Race and Equity Director Darlene Flynn, and other City departments, the coalition will continue advancing these priorities while maintaining regular communication with City leadership.

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Present at the recent meeting on implementing recommendations on Oakland’s Disparity Study on city work contracts were (first row, l. to r.):  Chuck Baker, Oakland Mayor Barbara Lee and Darlene Flynn. Second row, l. to r.) Samuel Adams, Erica Astrella, Chadwick Spell, Cathy Adams, Stanley Cooper, Maria Wagner, Len Turner, Derek Barnes, Paul Cobb. Photo courtesy of Oakland Mayor’s Office.
Present at the recent meeting on implementing recommendations on Oakland’s Disparity Study on city work contracts were (first row, l. to r.):  Chuck Baker, Oakland Mayor Barbara Lee and Darlene Flynn. Second row, l. to r.) Samuel Adams, Erica Astrella, Chadwick Spell, Cathy Adams, Stanley Cooper, Maria Wagner, Len Turner, Derek Barnes, Paul Cobb. Photo courtesy of Oakland Mayor’s Office.

Special to The Post

On June 30, a coalition of minority business leaders, contractors and others met with Oakland Mayor Barbara Lee to discuss the City’s commitment to implement recommendations outlined in Oakland’s Disparity Study and eliminate barriers that have historically prevented Black and minority-owned businesses from fully participating in public contracting opportunities.

Representatives of the Oakland African American Chamber of Commerce (OAACC), National Association of Minority Contractors Northern California (NAMC NorCal), Construction Resource Center (CRC), and the East Bay Rental Housing Association (EBRHA) said the meeting represented an important milestone in a process that has been underway for several months.

On April 21, the Oakland City Council’s Life Enrichment Committee received a progress report from the Department of Workplace and Employment Standards (DWES), where Director Emylene Aspilla presented the coalition’s working document and outlined a collaborative implementation plan between the coalition and the City. That report established 30-, 60-, and 90-day objectives focused on five key priorities:

  • Reforming Local and Small Local Business Enterprise (L/SLBE) waiver practices
  • Strengthening prompt payment compliance
  • Improving procurement forecasting and transparency
  • Expanding contractor capacity building and business development
  • Increasing oversight, accountability, and public reporting

A series of working sessions was scheduled between coalition representatives, DWES, and the City Administrator’s Office to begin implementing those priorities but were temporarily delayed by the resignation of former City Administrator Jestin Johnson.

Rather than allowing that momentum to stall, OAACC President and CEO Cathy Adams requested a meeting with Lee to gain clarity on the City’s direction and reaffirm its commitment to implementing the recommendations contained within the Disparity Study.

Coalition leaders described the meeting as productive, candid, collaborative, and encouraging.

During the meeting, Lee spoke not only from her role as mayor but also from her experience as an 8(a) contractor and business owner, sharing that she understands firsthand what it takes to build and grow a successful company, employ a substantial workforce, compete for public work, and navigate the complexities of municipal contracting.

She committed to ensuring the coalition has direct access to City leadership by designating Assistant Deputy City Administrator Chuck Baker the primary liaison. Working alongside Deputy City Administrator Sofia Navarro, DWES Director Emylene Aspilla, Race and Equity Director Darlene Flynn, and other City departments, the coalition will continue advancing these priorities while maintaining regular communication with City leadership.

Mayor Lee also expressed her commitment to personally participate in future working meetings with the coalition.

“This meeting represents a renewed commitment to partnership,” said Adams. “Mayor Lee listened, engaged, and demonstrated that she wants to move beyond conversation and into implementation.”

CRC’s Len Turner said the roadmap is already in place. ““The City already has the evidence. What’s been missing is execution. …Now it’s time to deliver results.”

Mario Wagner, president of NAMC NorCal agreed that the next phase must focus on implementation, funding, and accountability.

“The coalition is ready to get to work. …The next step is ensuring these initiatives receive meaningful funding in the upcoming fiscal budget cycle. Just as important, the City must establish transparent reporting mechanisms that keep the public informed through regular progress reports, measurable benchmarks, and accountability.”

Coalition leaders also acknowledged that while City leadership has indicated it is reviewing Local and Small Local Business Enterprise waiver practices, the community continues to seek a formal response regarding existing long-term waivers, including waivers extending 10 and 25 years. The coalition believes those waivers should be comprehensively reviewed and, where appropriate, rolled back as part of the City’s broader contracting reforms.

The coalition is also calling on the City to include meaningful funding in the upcoming fiscal budget cycle to support implementation of the Disparity Study recommendations and establish better methods and mechanisms to keep the public informed through regular progress reports, measurable benchmarks, and transparent accountability.

The coalition’s immediate next step is to schedule a working meeting with Baker, Aspilla, Lee, and the appropriate City staff to review what has already been accomplished under the implementation framework.

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