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Ask Alma

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Alma Gill

By Alma Gill
NNPA Columnist

 

Unwanted Photos of my Ex-Husband 

I recently decided to digitize my old photos and ran across a ton of family pictures of my first husband as a baby and while he was growing up, along with his family. We had a short marriage and divorced after only two years. My first husband and I didn’t have any children together, so I haven’t been in contact with him over the years. I wasn’t very close to his family, either. When we came home from college together, I didn’t pass the paper bag test (if you know what I mean) but that’s another question for another day.

During our marriage, I never quite measured up when it came to his mother and she let me know it at every opportunity she could. He was the only son and truly devoted to his parents.  I’m very happily remarried now and have been for over 20 years. I’m not sure if he’s remarried and I don’t really have any interest in contacting him. Sometimes people can misread your intentions and I don’t want this to be the case. But what I do want to do is forward this box of pictures to his parents. I’ve checked and confirmed their home address. My plan is to send the box without a return address, so that way they won’t feel obligated to get in touch with me. But if I do, they might not even know where the box came from. I definitely don’t want to throw them away. I know it would be a wonderful surprise for them to receive them. What do you think Alma, how can I return these photographs incognito?  

Name withheld

 

Take a step back, Detective Benson, I think you’ve added more Law & Order than what’s necessary to complete this pursuit.  Don’t get it twisted on your end. This is a very thoughtful act on your part and that’s all it is. Just let that be. Without rereading the entire map of your first marriage misfortunes, I’d venture to say you have legitimate reasons for anticipating the worst of the worst and, you could be right. But you also could be wrong. You said you’ve gone on with your life. You’re happily remarried, totally and unequivocally uninterested in line dancing with your ex-husband’s family foolishness. Ok, I get it. But I think you’re moving way ahead of yourself here. We’re talking returning old pictures. You aren’t inviting them to attend your granddaughter’s graduation celebration.

It’s not what you have in your hand but what you have in your heart that lays the groundwork for this task of thoughtfulness. I applaud you for not holding a grudge towards your ex-husband and his family. If you’ve got the right attitude and you’re sending the pictures with the best of intentions, there’s no need to expect discord, disharmony or discontent.

Yes, absolutely add a note that says: Hello, I recently ran across these photographs and just knew I had to return them to your family. All the best blessings to you and yours.  Signed, you.

There’s no room or need for a suggestion of follow up in those words. Once you’ve sent the pictures, it out of your hands. You can’t control their reaction, you can only control your response.  So stop worrying about it. If they follow up with foolishness – as they say in Brooklyn, just FagetAboutIt!

Although I’ve gotta say, I don’t think they will. Time has passed, wounds have healed, and old ways have changed. Send the box, with the note, I can tell your heart is in the right place. By the way, I don’t think the post office will let you send letters or packages without a return address. But I am certain that you can come up withsomeone’s return address.

 

All the best of blessings to you and yours.

Signed, Alma

 

Alma Gill’s newsroom experience spans more than 25 years, including various roles at USA Today, Newsday and the Washington Post. Email questions to: alwaysaskalma@gmail.com. Follow her on Facebook at “Ask Alma” and Twitter @almaaskalma.

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#NNPA BlackPress

COMMENTARY: The National Protest Must Be Accompanied with Our Votes

Just as Trump is gathering election data like having the FBI take all the election data in Georgia from the 2020 election, so must we organize in preparation for the coming primary season to have the right people on ballots in each Republican district, so that we can regain control of the House of Representatives and by doing so, restore the separation of powers and balance that our democracy is being deprived of.

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Dr. John E. Warren Publisher, San Diego Voice & Viewpoint
Dr. John E. Warren, Publisher San Diego Voice & Viewpoint Newspaper. File photo..

By  Dr. John E. Warren, Publisher San Diego Voice & Viewpoint Newspaper

As thousands of Americans march every week in cities across this great nation, it must be remembered that the protest without the vote is of no concern to Donald Trump and his administration.

In every city, there is a personal connection to the U.S. Congress. In too many cases, the member of Congress representing the people of that city and the congressional district in which it sits, is a Republican. It is the Republicans who are giving silent support to the destructive actions of those persons like the U.S. Attorney General, the Director of Homeland Security, and the National Intelligence Director, who are carrying out the revenge campaign of the President rather than upholding the oath of office each of them took “to Defend The Constitution of the United States.”

Just as Trump is gathering election data like having the FBI take all the election data in Georgia from the 2020 election, so must we organize in preparation for the coming primary season to have the right people on ballots in each Republican district, so that we can regain control of the House of Representatives and by doing so, restore the separation of powers and balance that our democracy is being deprived of.

In California, the primary comes in June 2026. The congressional races must be a priority just as much as the local election of people has been so important in keeping ICE from acquiring facilities to build more prisons around the country.

“We the People” are winning this battle, even though it might not look like it. Each of us must get involved now, right where we are.

In this Black History month, it is important to remember that all we have accomplished in this nation has been “in spite of” and not “because of.” Frederick Douglas said, “Power concedes nothing without a struggle.”

Today, the struggle is to maintain our very institutions and history. Our strength in this struggle rests in our “collectiveness.” Our newspapers and journalists are at the greatest risk. We must not personally add to the attack by ignoring those who have been our very foundation, our Black press.

Are you spending your dollars this Black History Month with those who salute and honor contributions by supporting those who tell our stories? Remember that silence is the same as consent and support for the opposition. Where do you stand and where will your dollars go?

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Activism

Post Newspaper Invites NNPA to Join Nationwide Probate Reform Initiative

The Post’s Probate Reform Group meets the first Thursday of every month via Zoom and invites the public to attend.  The Post is making the initiative national and will submit information from its monthly meeting to the NNPA to educate, advocate, and inform its readers.

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iStock.
iStock.

By Tanya Dennis

The National Newspaper Publishers Association (NNPA) represents the Black press with over 200 newspapers nationwide.

Last night the Post announced that it is actively recruiting the Black press to inform the public that there is a probate “five-alarm fire” occurring in Black communities and invited every Black newspaper starting from the Birmingham Times in Alabama to the Milwaukee Times Weekly in Wisconsin, to join the Post in our “Year of Action” for probate reform.

The Post’s Probate Reform Group meets the first Thursday of every month via Zoom and invites the public to attend.  The Post is making the initiative national and will submit information from its monthly meeting to the NNPA to educate, advocate, and inform its readers.

Reporter Tanya Dennis says, “The adage that ‘When America catches a cold, Black folks catch the flu” is too true in practice; that’s why we’re engaging the Black Press to not only warn, but educate the Black community regarding the criminal actions we see in probate court: Thousands are losing generational wealth to strangers. It’s a travesty that happens daily.”

Venus Gist, a co-host of the reform group, states, “ Unfortunately, people are their own worst enemy when it comes to speaking with loved ones regarding their demise. It’s an uncomfortable subject that most avoid, but they do so at their peril. The courts rely on dissention between family members, so I encourage not only a will and trust [be created] but also videotape the reading of your documents so you can show you’re of sound mind.”

In better times, drafting a will was enough; then a trust was an added requirement to ‘iron-clad’ documents and to assure easy transference of wealth.

No longer.

As the courts became underfunded in the last 20 years, predatory behavior emerged to the extent that criminality is now occurring at alarming rates with no oversight, with courts isolating the conserved, and, I’ve  heard, many times killing conservatees for profit. Plundering the assets of estates until beneficiaries are penniless is also common.”

Post Newspaper Publisher Paul Cobb says, “The simple solution is to avoid probate at all costs.  If beneficiaries can’t agree, hire a private mediator and attorney to work things out.  The moment you walk into court, you are vulnerable to the whims of the court.  Your will and trust mean nothing.”

Zakiya Jendayi, a co-host of the Probate Reform Group and a victim herself, says, “In my case, the will and trust were clear that I am the beneficiary of the estate, but the opposing attorney said I used undue influence to make myself beneficiary. He said that without proof, and the judge upheld the attorney’s baseless assertion.  In court, the will and trust is easily discounted.”

The Black press reaches out to 47 million Black Americans with one voice.  The power of the press has never been so important as it is now in this national movement to save Black generational wealth from predatory attorneys, guardians and judges.

The next probate reform meeting is on March 5, from 7 – 9 p.m. PST.  Zoom Details:
Meeting ID: 825 0367 1750
Passcode: 475480

All are welcome.

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Activism

COMMENTARY: The Biases We Don’t See — Preventing AI-Driven Inequality in Health Care

For decades, medicine promoted false assumptions about Black bodies. Black patients were told they had lower lung capacity, and medical devices adjusted their results accordingly. That practice was not broadly reversed until 2021. Up until 2022, a common medical formula used to measure how well a person’s kidneys were working automatically gave Black patients a higher score simply because they were Black. On paper, this made their kidneys appear healthier than they truly were. As a result, kidney disease was sometimes detected later in Black patients, delaying critical treatment and referrals.

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Sen. Akilah Weber Pierson, M.D (D-San Diego). File photo. Sen. Akilah Weber Pierson, M.D (D-San Diego). File photo.
Sen. Akilah Weber Pierson, M.D (D-San Diego). File photo.

By Sen. Akilah Weber Pierson, M.D., Special to California Black Media Partners 

Technology is sold to us as neutral, objective, and free of human flaws. We are told that computers remove emotion, bias, and error from decision-making. But for many Black families, lived experience tells a different story. When technology is trained on biased systems, it reflects those same biases and silently carries them forward.

We have seen this happen across multiple industries. Facial recognition software has misidentified Black faces at far higher rates than White faces, leading to wrongful police encounters and arrests. Automated hiring systems have filtered out applicants with traditionally Black names because past hiring data reflected discriminatory patterns. Financial algorithms have denied loans or offered worse terms to Black borrowers based on zip codes and historical inequities, rather than individual creditworthiness. These systems did not become biased on their own. They were trained on biased data.

Healthcare is not immune.

For decades, medicine promoted false assumptions about Black bodies. Black patients were told they had lower lung capacity, and medical devices adjusted their results accordingly. That practice was not broadly reversed until 2021. Up until 2022, a common medical formula used to measure how well a person’s kidneys were working automatically gave Black patients a higher score simply because they were Black. On paper, this made their kidneys appear healthier than they truly were. As a result, kidney disease was sometimes detected later in Black patients, delaying critical treatment and referrals.

These biases were not limited to software or medical devices. Dangerous myths persisted that Black people feel less pain, contributing to undertreatment and delayed care. These beliefs were embedded in modern training and practice, not distant history. Those assumptions shaped the data that now feeds medical technology. When biased clinical practices form the basis of algorithms, the risk is not hypothetical. The bias can be learned, automated, and scaled.

For us in the Black community, this creates understandable fear and mistrust. Many families already carry generational memories of medical discrimination, from higher maternal mortality to lower life expectancy to being dismissed or unheard in clinical settings. Adding AI biases could make our community even more apprehensive about the healthcare system.

As a physician, I know how much trust patients place in the healthcare system during their most vulnerable moments. As a Black woman, I understand how bias can shape experiences in ways that are often invisible to those who do not live them. As a mother of two Black children, I think constantly about the systems that will shape their health and well-being. As a legislator, I believe it is our responsibility to confront emerging risks before they become widespread harm.

That is why I am the author of Senate Bill (SB) 503. This bill aims to regulate the use of artificial intelligence in healthcare by requiring developers and users of AI systems to identify, mitigate, and monitor biased impacts in their outputs to reduce racial and other disparities in clinical decision-making and patient care.

Currently under consideration in the State Assembly, SB 503 was not written to slow innovation. In fact, I encourage it. But it is our duty must ensure that every tool we in the healthcare field helps patients rather than harms them.

The health of our families depends on it.

About the Author 

Sen. Akilah Weber Pierson (D–San Diego) is a physician and public health advocate representing California’s 39th Senate District.

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