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Ask Alma

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Alma Gill

 

 

Confronting an Alcoholic Friend

 

Dear Alma, 

I have a dear friend who is the sweetest, kindest person you could ever hope to know. She remembers everything you’ve ever told her, and always follows up to find out how things went. But, she’s a drinker. The last time we met for brunch, there was unlimited champagne, and she had seven or eight glasses. When we go out for dinner, she always has multiple glasses of wine. There is no way I can keep up with her, so I just nurse my drink so she doesn’t feel like she’s drinking alone. 

The drinking doesn’t change her personality, she basically stays the same, not louder or sadder or sillier. I’ve never once seen her out of control. What concerns me most is when she drives home after we go out. I usually try to drive, so she can feel comfortable if she wants to drink, but once in a while she insists on driving because she feels like she should share it. Then, I’m petrified for both of us. I know I should be ordering cabs, but I don’t want to offend her. 

I know she’s unhappy in her job and she’s living far from her family, although she is so upbeat that you would never know if she had anything on her mind. I have never said anything about her drinking to her, but I’m wondering if maybe I should. If I did, what would I say? Or should I just not bring it up?

 

 

I’m so glad you’re pondering this. Oh yes, sweetie pie, you’ve got to bring it up. It’s your sister-girlfriend duty to help save her life. I know, I know, confronting a loved one about an addiction is a rough road to travel. Once the words come out, you’ve gotta dodge speed bumps, gravel pits and potholes the size of a mini-van. Nevertheless, there’s no excuse to ever park on the street of silence. She needs you and I commend you for stepping up. Now, let’s take a minute to weigh in on the good, the bad and the ugly that stands before you.

The good: she’s your dear sister-girlfriend and you love her. It breaks your heart to think she’s pained in any way. You want to protect her from any hurt, harm or danger.

The bad: She’s a functioning alcoholic. So far, to our knowledge, she has never been confronted about her problem or had to admit to it. She’s allowed to continue this charade because she’s composed, calm, employed and performs as if she has it all together.

The ugly: She doesn’t have it all together. She knows how much she drinks, but she thinks she can handle it because of the enablers she has surrounded herself with. And yep, you’re one of ‘em.

My Uncle Dan (God rest his soul) was an absolute drunk from 5:00 pm on Friday until 10:00 pm on Sunday. Come Monday morning, he was clean as the Board of Health, and never missed a day of work. Where I’m from it’s called “carrying your liquor.” For most of us, when we think of an alcoholic, what comes to our mind’s eye, is a person who’s unkempt, homeless, unemployed with no family to speak of. But that’s not the truth of the matter. Everybody knows an Uncle Dan. Bottom line is, if you abuse alcohol every day or just on the weekends, you have a problem and it’s up to your family and friends to call you out on it.

Allow me to reiterate for loves sake, yes, have that hard conversation with your friend. I’d suggest you go to alcoholic.org; it explains how to take the first step with love and kindness. It tells you what to say, how to say it, and what to expect after you’ve said it. All best of blessings to you both, my dear. It may not feel like it right now, but let me be the first to say, you’re doing the right thing. I pray your friend will be able to receive it.

 

Alma

 

 

Alma Gill’s newsroom experience spans more than 25 years, including various roles at USA Today, Newsday and the Washington Post. Email questions to: alwaysaskalma@gmail.com. Follow her on Facebook at “Ask Alma” and twitter @almaaskalma.

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#NNPA BlackPress

COMMENTARY: The National Protest Must Be Accompanied with Our Votes

Just as Trump is gathering election data like having the FBI take all the election data in Georgia from the 2020 election, so must we organize in preparation for the coming primary season to have the right people on ballots in each Republican district, so that we can regain control of the House of Representatives and by doing so, restore the separation of powers and balance that our democracy is being deprived of.

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Dr. John E. Warren Publisher, San Diego Voice & Viewpoint
Dr. John E. Warren, Publisher San Diego Voice & Viewpoint Newspaper. File photo..

By  Dr. John E. Warren, Publisher San Diego Voice & Viewpoint Newspaper

As thousands of Americans march every week in cities across this great nation, it must be remembered that the protest without the vote is of no concern to Donald Trump and his administration.

In every city, there is a personal connection to the U.S. Congress. In too many cases, the member of Congress representing the people of that city and the congressional district in which it sits, is a Republican. It is the Republicans who are giving silent support to the destructive actions of those persons like the U.S. Attorney General, the Director of Homeland Security, and the National Intelligence Director, who are carrying out the revenge campaign of the President rather than upholding the oath of office each of them took “to Defend The Constitution of the United States.”

Just as Trump is gathering election data like having the FBI take all the election data in Georgia from the 2020 election, so must we organize in preparation for the coming primary season to have the right people on ballots in each Republican district, so that we can regain control of the House of Representatives and by doing so, restore the separation of powers and balance that our democracy is being deprived of.

In California, the primary comes in June 2026. The congressional races must be a priority just as much as the local election of people has been so important in keeping ICE from acquiring facilities to build more prisons around the country.

“We the People” are winning this battle, even though it might not look like it. Each of us must get involved now, right where we are.

In this Black History month, it is important to remember that all we have accomplished in this nation has been “in spite of” and not “because of.” Frederick Douglas said, “Power concedes nothing without a struggle.”

Today, the struggle is to maintain our very institutions and history. Our strength in this struggle rests in our “collectiveness.” Our newspapers and journalists are at the greatest risk. We must not personally add to the attack by ignoring those who have been our very foundation, our Black press.

Are you spending your dollars this Black History Month with those who salute and honor contributions by supporting those who tell our stories? Remember that silence is the same as consent and support for the opposition. Where do you stand and where will your dollars go?

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Activism

Post Newspaper Invites NNPA to Join Nationwide Probate Reform Initiative

The Post’s Probate Reform Group meets the first Thursday of every month via Zoom and invites the public to attend.  The Post is making the initiative national and will submit information from its monthly meeting to the NNPA to educate, advocate, and inform its readers.

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iStock.
iStock.

By Tanya Dennis

The National Newspaper Publishers Association (NNPA) represents the Black press with over 200 newspapers nationwide.

Last night the Post announced that it is actively recruiting the Black press to inform the public that there is a probate “five-alarm fire” occurring in Black communities and invited every Black newspaper starting from the Birmingham Times in Alabama to the Milwaukee Times Weekly in Wisconsin, to join the Post in our “Year of Action” for probate reform.

The Post’s Probate Reform Group meets the first Thursday of every month via Zoom and invites the public to attend.  The Post is making the initiative national and will submit information from its monthly meeting to the NNPA to educate, advocate, and inform its readers.

Reporter Tanya Dennis says, “The adage that ‘When America catches a cold, Black folks catch the flu” is too true in practice; that’s why we’re engaging the Black Press to not only warn, but educate the Black community regarding the criminal actions we see in probate court: Thousands are losing generational wealth to strangers. It’s a travesty that happens daily.”

Venus Gist, a co-host of the reform group, states, “ Unfortunately, people are their own worst enemy when it comes to speaking with loved ones regarding their demise. It’s an uncomfortable subject that most avoid, but they do so at their peril. The courts rely on dissention between family members, so I encourage not only a will and trust [be created] but also videotape the reading of your documents so you can show you’re of sound mind.”

In better times, drafting a will was enough; then a trust was an added requirement to ‘iron-clad’ documents and to assure easy transference of wealth.

No longer.

As the courts became underfunded in the last 20 years, predatory behavior emerged to the extent that criminality is now occurring at alarming rates with no oversight, with courts isolating the conserved, and, I’ve  heard, many times killing conservatees for profit. Plundering the assets of estates until beneficiaries are penniless is also common.”

Post Newspaper Publisher Paul Cobb says, “The simple solution is to avoid probate at all costs.  If beneficiaries can’t agree, hire a private mediator and attorney to work things out.  The moment you walk into court, you are vulnerable to the whims of the court.  Your will and trust mean nothing.”

Zakiya Jendayi, a co-host of the Probate Reform Group and a victim herself, says, “In my case, the will and trust were clear that I am the beneficiary of the estate, but the opposing attorney said I used undue influence to make myself beneficiary. He said that without proof, and the judge upheld the attorney’s baseless assertion.  In court, the will and trust is easily discounted.”

The Black press reaches out to 47 million Black Americans with one voice.  The power of the press has never been so important as it is now in this national movement to save Black generational wealth from predatory attorneys, guardians and judges.

The next probate reform meeting is on March 5, from 7 – 9 p.m. PST.  Zoom Details:
Meeting ID: 825 0367 1750
Passcode: 475480

All are welcome.

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Activism

COMMENTARY: The Biases We Don’t See — Preventing AI-Driven Inequality in Health Care

For decades, medicine promoted false assumptions about Black bodies. Black patients were told they had lower lung capacity, and medical devices adjusted their results accordingly. That practice was not broadly reversed until 2021. Up until 2022, a common medical formula used to measure how well a person’s kidneys were working automatically gave Black patients a higher score simply because they were Black. On paper, this made their kidneys appear healthier than they truly were. As a result, kidney disease was sometimes detected later in Black patients, delaying critical treatment and referrals.

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Sen. Akilah Weber Pierson, M.D (D-San Diego). File photo. Sen. Akilah Weber Pierson, M.D (D-San Diego). File photo.
Sen. Akilah Weber Pierson, M.D (D-San Diego). File photo.

By Sen. Akilah Weber Pierson, M.D., Special to California Black Media Partners 

Technology is sold to us as neutral, objective, and free of human flaws. We are told that computers remove emotion, bias, and error from decision-making. But for many Black families, lived experience tells a different story. When technology is trained on biased systems, it reflects those same biases and silently carries them forward.

We have seen this happen across multiple industries. Facial recognition software has misidentified Black faces at far higher rates than White faces, leading to wrongful police encounters and arrests. Automated hiring systems have filtered out applicants with traditionally Black names because past hiring data reflected discriminatory patterns. Financial algorithms have denied loans or offered worse terms to Black borrowers based on zip codes and historical inequities, rather than individual creditworthiness. These systems did not become biased on their own. They were trained on biased data.

Healthcare is not immune.

For decades, medicine promoted false assumptions about Black bodies. Black patients were told they had lower lung capacity, and medical devices adjusted their results accordingly. That practice was not broadly reversed until 2021. Up until 2022, a common medical formula used to measure how well a person’s kidneys were working automatically gave Black patients a higher score simply because they were Black. On paper, this made their kidneys appear healthier than they truly were. As a result, kidney disease was sometimes detected later in Black patients, delaying critical treatment and referrals.

These biases were not limited to software or medical devices. Dangerous myths persisted that Black people feel less pain, contributing to undertreatment and delayed care. These beliefs were embedded in modern training and practice, not distant history. Those assumptions shaped the data that now feeds medical technology. When biased clinical practices form the basis of algorithms, the risk is not hypothetical. The bias can be learned, automated, and scaled.

For us in the Black community, this creates understandable fear and mistrust. Many families already carry generational memories of medical discrimination, from higher maternal mortality to lower life expectancy to being dismissed or unheard in clinical settings. Adding AI biases could make our community even more apprehensive about the healthcare system.

As a physician, I know how much trust patients place in the healthcare system during their most vulnerable moments. As a Black woman, I understand how bias can shape experiences in ways that are often invisible to those who do not live them. As a mother of two Black children, I think constantly about the systems that will shape their health and well-being. As a legislator, I believe it is our responsibility to confront emerging risks before they become widespread harm.

That is why I am the author of Senate Bill (SB) 503. This bill aims to regulate the use of artificial intelligence in healthcare by requiring developers and users of AI systems to identify, mitigate, and monitor biased impacts in their outputs to reduce racial and other disparities in clinical decision-making and patient care.

Currently under consideration in the State Assembly, SB 503 was not written to slow innovation. In fact, I encourage it. But it is our duty must ensure that every tool we in the healthcare field helps patients rather than harms them.

The health of our families depends on it.

About the Author 

Sen. Akilah Weber Pierson (D–San Diego) is a physician and public health advocate representing California’s 39th Senate District.

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