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COMMENTARY: The Pernicious Power of Patriarchy

NNPA NEWSWIRE — If we women were honest, we would say that we have all cosigned patriarchy in the interest of keeping it moving. We have deflected the sexist comments that come our way, even as we cringe from them. We smile at men that we abhor because they may have decision making power in their hands. We dress up or dress down depending on the occasion and the way we have to play the game. We know the system is slanted against us, we know we still have to play, and we decide when we choose to blow the whistle, a whistle we could blow every single day.

Published

7 years ago

February 23, 2020

Oakland Post

Dr. Julianne Malveaux is an economist, author, media contributor and educator. Her latest project MALVEAUX! On UDCTV is available on youtube.com. For booking, wholesale inquiries or for more info visit www.juliannemalveaux.com

By Julianne Malveaux, NNPA Newswire Contributor

Our nation, these United States, is founded on the principles of racism and patriarchy. They are reflected in our very constitution, where enslaved persons were counted as a fraction of a person, and only men of property were allowed the right to vote. The filthy inequality at the foundation of this nation has now bubbled up and boiled over, now polluting every aspect of our lives.

Patriarchy places men at the center of life, and women at the periphery. It suggests that women do not matter. It allows for the subjugation of women when they attempt to enter public spaces that have previously been earmarked as “male” spaces. Thus, there were no restrooms for women legislators in the US House or Senate, even as women entered those spaces. They were only created when women demanded them. Of course, restrooms are just a minor manifestation of the hegemonic patriarchy that rules our nation.

A great picture of our nation’s racist patriarchy was the visual of doughy and dissipated white men interrogating the amazingly composed Anita Hill as she reviewed her experiences with now-Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas. Though Hill was persuasive, she was attacked in the vilest of terms, accused of nonsense like “erotomania,” and even recently harassed by Thomas’ unhinged spouse who was still seeking apology after two decades. Note to Thomas, take the phone from your wife when her meds are not working. In any case, Thomas is on the Supreme Court because white men chose to disregard the word of a Black woman, a decision that then-Senator Joe Biden says he now regrets. Thomas was confirmed by the narrowest margin in history 52-48.

Here we go again. By the time this is published the matter of 45’s Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh is resolved, but the issue of pernicious patriarchy will not be. Regarding Kavanaugh, he has been accused by Dr. Christine Blasey Ford of sexual assault more than 35 years ago, when both were teens. She disclosed her accusations in a letter that California Senator Dianne Feinstein received in July, but did not share with the FBI until later, mainly because Ford asked for confidentiality. Ford has requested that the FBI investigate her assertions, and the Senate judiciary committee is still fast-tracking the Kavanaugh vote. The outcome, while necessary, is not the bottom line. The issue is the way that racist patriarchy makes some offensive and illegal behavior acceptable.

Privileged white male culture allows and encourages excessive drinking and obnoxious behavior toward women. It is excused because “boys will be boys.” But what boys? Black boys, even accused of “reckless eyeballing,” are fair game for lynching! White boys on rampages are excused for assault, rape, and attempted rape. Can I call the name of Recy Taylor, the young Black woman who was walking home from church and raped by a gaggle of white men who thought her body their right? Can I remind us of the Texas gubernatorial candidate, Clayton Williams, who said that if rape was inevitable, a woman should “lay back and enjoy it”? Ann Richards beat him, but that wasn’t quite the point. The point was that some man thought that rape was inevitable enough to “enjoy.”

Privileged white male culture allows a man who should not have been elected President to denigrate women regularly. We are “fat,” “dogs” and “liars.” He bragged about grabbing women’s genitals, and our society is so poached in pernicious patriarchy that 52 percent of all women still voted for him. They thought he was joking because, for too many women, patriarchy has so seeped into our consciousness that the abuse of women is a joke.

If we women were honest, we would say that we have all cosigned patriarchy in the interest of keeping it moving. We have deflected the sexist comments that come our way, even as we cringe from them. We smile at men that we abhor because they may have decision making power in their hands. We dress up or dress down depending on the occasion and the way we have to play the game. We know the system is slanted against us, we know we still have to play, and we decide when we choose to blow the whistle, a whistle we could blow every single day. #MeToo is the tip of the iceberg because it fails to deal with race systematically, but also because it manages the evident and personal, not the institutional.

In addition to being #MeToo women, we are mothers, sisters, daughters, and wives (hello Julie Chen Moonves), so some of us want to justify patriarchy for “our” men. Our son, husband, cousin, brother “didn’t mean it” and could not be that bad. Wake-up call — if they violated a woman, they were that bad. If they raped a Black woman and you turned away from the accusation, you are wrong, you are horribly and complicity wrong.

Tearing down the walls of pernicious patriarchy means attacking the very foundation of our nation. When we attack patriarchy, we also attack the racism that is also part of our foundation. Many have lined up to support Dr. Christine Blasey Ford. How many are equally willing to attack the pernicious racist patriarchal roots of our nation?

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Here is what you need to know about finding unique white elephant gift ideas that everyone wants to steal

The best white elephant gift ideas are funny enough to get a reaction but useful enough that people actually want to steal them. Look for gifts with a surprise factor, broad appeal, an inside joke, and just enough personality to spark some friendly competition. The wrapping paper comes off, the room goes quiet for half […]

Published

1 month ago

October 4, 2026

Oakland Post

The best white elephant gift ideas are funny enough to get a reaction but useful enough that people actually want to steal them. Look for gifts with a surprise factor, broad appeal, an inside joke, and just enough personality to spark some friendly competition.

The wrapping paper comes off, the room goes quiet for half a second, and suddenly everyone wants the same gift. That is the sweet spot. A great white elephant pick should make people laugh, lean in, and start plotting their next steal before the turn is even over.

Should a White Elephant Gift Be Funny or Useful?

A white elephant gift can be funny or useful, but the strongest choices usually give people a reason to laugh and a reason to keep the item. A practical gift with an odd design, unexpected feature, or playful theme can get a reaction without becoming something the recipient immediately wants to give away.

The right balance depends on the group. Close friends and family members may enjoy a ridiculous gag gift because they already understand one another’s sense of humor.

A workplace exchange, neighborhood party, or mixed-age gathering usually calls for something with broader appeal. In those settings, humor works better when it is built into an item people could still use afterward.

It also helps to think about how quickly the gift will make sense once it is opened. A strangely shaped kitchen tool, oversized mug, quirky desk accessory, or unexpectedly fancy everyday item can create an immediate reaction. Guests understand the joke right away, while the item still has enough practical value to attract a steal.

Pure gag gifts can be harder to pull off. Something that exists only for the punchline may get a big laugh during the reveal and then sit untouched for the rest of the game. If the goal is to bring one of the gifts everyone keeps fighting over, usefulness gives the joke staying power.

Memorable Present Ideas: Creating Inside Joke Gifts

Inside joke gifts can make a white elephant exchange feel much more personal, especially when most of the group shares the same stories. The trick is choosing a reference that people will recognize quickly instead of building the entire joke around something only two guests understand.

You can turn a memorable vacation mishap, office catchphrase, family story, or long-running group joke into the theme of the gift. A personalized comic book can work especially well when it turns familiar people or a ridiculous shared moment into part of the story.

Think carefully about who the joke involves before ordering anything permanent. The gift should make the person feel included in the fun, not singled out for the wrong reason.

Can You Bring Something You Already Own?

Holiday gift exchanges can be a good place to re-gift something you never used, especially if it is unopened and clean.

The following can all work if they still look presentable:

A duplicate kitchen gadget
An untouched game
A decorative item
A sealed gift set
An unopened candle
A new travel accessory

The goal is to give the item a second chance, not use the exchange as an excuse to clear out damaged or unwanted clutter.

Take a close look at the packaging before wrapping it. Faded boxes, missing pieces, visible wear, or anything that looks obviously used can make the gift feel careless.

Wrapping Budget-Friendly Gifts

Wrapping can make gifts more entertaining before anyone even knows what’s inside.

Misdirection works especially well for fun party games. Put a small gift inside a much larger box. Use packaging from an unrelated household item.

Add harmless weight so guests cannot guess what they are holding. The reveal becomes part of the joke without changing the gift itself.

You can also lean into the theme of the exchange. Bright paper, oversized bows, reusable bags, or deliberately over-the-top wrapping can make an ordinary item feel more memorable. If the gift itself is already funny, simple wrapping may work better so the surprise stays hidden until the last second.

Frequently Asked Questions

Is Picking Last an Advantage in White Elephant?

Picking last can be an advantage because you get to see almost every gift before making your move. Instead of choosing blindly from the remaining wrapped presents, you can steal something that has already caught your attention if the rules still allow it.

That advantage depends on the house rules. Some games limit how many times a gift can be stolen.

Others lock an item once it reaches a certain number of steals. If the most popular gifts are already unavailable, the final player may have fewer strong options than expected.

The first player can also get another turn at the end in some versions of the game. That rule can balance things out, since the person who started with the least information may get one final chance to steal.

How Do You Plan White Elephant for a Large Group?

For a large white elephant exchange, set a firm spending limit and establish the stealing rules in advance.

Create a clear turn order before the game begins. Drawing numbers as guests arrive can save time once everyone is ready to start.

Keep the number of steals per gift limited so the game does not drag on. It also helps to have one person track which creative holiday presents have been stolen and when they are locked, especially if dozens of people are participating.

Can You Play White Elephant Virtually?

A virtual white elephant exchange can work over a video call, with one person keeping track of the turn order and each steal. Guests can either mail physical gifts ahead of time or use digital gifts that can be delivered once the game ends.

Set the spending limit and stealing rules before everyone joins. It also helps to decide how gifts will be revealed and who is responsible for sending each one afterward so the exchange does not become confusing.