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COMMENTARY: Surviving R. Kelly, Michael Jackson, Bill Cosby… and who else?

NNPA NEWSWIRE — Our collective cultural conscience has been assaulted. It feels like a gut punch. Like everything we thought we knew now makes no sense. The world has gone mad I tell ya! It’s probably fair to say that many of us feel violated too, though obviously in a verrrry different, metaphorical way.

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By Joy Doss, Special to The New Tri-State Defender

As rational, thinking adults, we kinda knew something was amiss with Michael. We subscribed to the Peter Pan and/or asexual fallacy ’cause we needed to.

We knew “Aruh Smelly” was stinkin’ no doubt. Hello? Aaliyah. We just didn’t know how funky it was. For me, it took a sec to completely divest (“TP.3 Reloaded,” “Chocolate Factory,” “12 Play”). His music was permissive. It created a space for a spring awakening, let’s say. It worked for us, as my generation was coming of age.

At least it worked when we thought he was talking about women who had already come of age. Welp. He has been scrubbed from my entire musical existence for the past several years, not even a digital trace left behind. “Backyard Party” got me caught up for awhile (radio only) but then I heard my baby girl singing along and it turned my entire stomach. No mas.

I got through two episodes of the Lifetime series documentary “Surviving R. Kelly” before I was in distress and completely revolted. That’s all.

AND SIR, THAT WAS YOU ON THOSE VIDEOS!! And hits keep coming. So just stop.
“Pill Cosby” was a stunner. America’s Dad? C’mon man! Sixty women ain’t telling the same lie bruh. “The Cosby Show,” “Fat Albert” and “A Different World” are still required TV in my household. The man changed the game. He upended stereotypes of black families and young black people, giving live and direct portraits of black excellence. And he gave us full bodied, round, multidimensional characters. Why, Bill, whyyyyy?

Our collective cultural conscience has been assaulted. It feels like a gut punch. Like everything we thought we knew now makes no sense. The world has gone mad I tell ya! It’s probably fair to say that many of us feel violated too, though obviously in a verrrry different, metaphorical way.

We do place unrealistic expectations of perfection on our icons and public figures and pastors even. However, it’s totally reasonable to expect common decency and a minimal subversive behavior. Minimal is subjective I know, as is how you define subversive. I’m absolutely not judging anybody’s freaky sneaky, but isn’t there a line somewhere? Gotta be.

I couldn’t even bring myself to watch HBO’s “Finding Neverland” documentary.

Couldn’t do it. Can’t even talk about it. I just have to own my hypocrisy here. MJ isn’t getting the same treatment as these other two and I will brazenly listen to his music.

Maybe “Off The Wall” and the music before was pre-creepy. Nonetheless, a couple of people made some good counterpoints.

From a very damning Forbes article:

“The allegations surrounding Jackson largely faded over the last decade for a reason: unlike the Bill Cosby or R. Kelly cases, the more people looked into the Jackson allegations, the more the evidence vindicated him.”

And this part:

“…there is a remarkable consistency to the way people who knew the artist speak of him – whether friends, family members, collaborators, fellow artists, recording engineers, attorneys, business associates….”

That isn’t even the damning part. It unpacks some of the facts and inconsistencies from top to bottom. Read the full article (https://bit.ly/2GZCHo7) and judge for yourself.
But how do we survive the upheaval?

It ain’t by pointing the finger at others. I mean yes, (Harvey) Weinstein. Yes, Woody Allen. Yes, Roman Polanski. President 45 and all the king’s men too.

And yes, there is very clearly an imbalance in the way justice – and judgment – is meted out. See also: Elvis, Jerry Lee Lewis, etc. Weinstein for sure deserves a bid. But let’s be honest. Most black folks ain’t studdin’ them. Most of y’all probably don’t know enough about Weinstein, Allen or Polanski to effectively boycott their movies. This was painful like family.

All of this to say, I don’t have an answer. We won’t be able to mitigate the inevitable disappointment in people, celebrity or not. So, purge them or not, cancel them or not. Protect your psyche. Be mindful of triggers. Find better models, expect less and cut swiftly. To be sure, we’ll still only know what we’re intended to know.

Let’s cherish what and who we do have. Don’t be so quick to dismiss or to delight in the downfall of others. Be real life models of good men and women so when it all falls down again, the younger ones can still look up. And we can all stay up.

Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this article do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of BlackPressUSA.com or the National Newspaper Publishers Association.

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Smooth Ride! Car Suspension & Comfort Tested #shorts

Smooth suspension meets surprisingly spacious legroom. Experience true comfort on any road!

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Car suspension test demonstrating a smooth ride, comfort features, and handling on various terrains.

Experience the difference smooth suspension makes on rough streets. Check out the surprisingly good second-row legroom – test it yourself for true comfort.

🔗 Watch the full video: https://youtu.be/l9Z571za5Gc

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61 years since Selma, Houston leaders say the bridge remains to be crossed

61 years after Selma, Houston leaders say the fight for equality continues. The issues that sparked the marches still impact Black Americans today.

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Houston leaders discuss the ongoing struggle for civil rights 61 years after Selma, emphasizing the need for continued action.

It has been 61 years since the Selma marches. But political leaders in Houston say that the issues protesters were marching for still plague the lives of Black Americans.

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Here is what you need to know about finding unique white elephant gift ideas that everyone wants to steal

The best white elephant gift ideas are funny enough to get a reaction but useful enough that people actually want to steal them. Look for gifts with a surprise factor, broad appeal, an inside joke, and just enough personality to spark some friendly competition. The wrapping paper comes off, the room goes quiet for half […]

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The best white elephant gift ideas are funny enough to get a reaction but useful enough that people actually want to steal them. Look for gifts with a surprise factor, broad appeal, an inside joke, and just enough personality to spark some friendly competition.

The wrapping paper comes off, the room goes quiet for half a second, and suddenly everyone wants the same gift. That is the sweet spot. A great white elephant pick should make people laugh, lean in, and start plotting their next steal before the turn is even over.

Should a White Elephant Gift Be Funny or Useful?

A white elephant gift can be funny or useful, but the strongest choices usually give people a reason to laugh and a reason to keep the item. A practical gift with an odd design, unexpected feature, or playful theme can get a reaction without becoming something the recipient immediately wants to give away.

The right balance depends on the group. Close friends and family members may enjoy a ridiculous gag gift because they already understand one another’s sense of humor.

A workplace exchange, neighborhood party, or mixed-age gathering usually calls for something with broader appeal. In those settings, humor works better when it is built into an item people could still use afterward.

It also helps to think about how quickly the gift will make sense once it is opened. A strangely shaped kitchen tool, oversized mug, quirky desk accessory, or unexpectedly fancy everyday item can create an immediate reaction. Guests understand the joke right away, while the item still has enough practical value to attract a steal.

Pure gag gifts can be harder to pull off. Something that exists only for the punchline may get a big laugh during the reveal and then sit untouched for the rest of the game. If the goal is to bring one of the gifts everyone keeps fighting over, usefulness gives the joke staying power.

Memorable Present Ideas: Creating Inside Joke Gifts

Inside joke gifts can make a white elephant exchange feel much more personal, especially when most of the group shares the same stories. The trick is choosing a reference that people will recognize quickly instead of building the entire joke around something only two guests understand.

You can turn a memorable vacation mishap, office catchphrase, family story, or long-running group joke into the theme of the gift. A personalized comic book can work especially well when it turns familiar people or a ridiculous shared moment into part of the story. 

Think carefully about who the joke involves before ordering anything permanent. The gift should make the person feel included in the fun, not singled out for the wrong reason.

Can You Bring Something You Already Own?

Holiday gift exchanges can be a good place to re-gift something you never used, especially if it is unopened and clean.

The following can all work if they still look presentable:

  • A duplicate kitchen gadget
  • An untouched game
  • A decorative item
  • A sealed gift set 
  • An unopened candle
  • A new travel accessory

The goal is to give the item a second chance, not use the exchange as an excuse to clear out damaged or unwanted clutter.

Take a close look at the packaging before wrapping it. Faded boxes, missing pieces, visible wear, or anything that looks obviously used can make the gift feel careless. 

Wrapping Budget-Friendly Gifts

Wrapping can make gifts more entertaining before anyone even knows what’s inside.

Misdirection works especially well for fun party games. Put a small gift inside a much larger box. Use packaging from an unrelated household item.

Add harmless weight so guests cannot guess what they are holding. The reveal becomes part of the joke without changing the gift itself.

You can also lean into the theme of the exchange. Bright paper, oversized bows, reusable bags, or deliberately over-the-top wrapping can make an ordinary item feel more memorable. If the gift itself is already funny, simple wrapping may work better so the surprise stays hidden until the last second.

Frequently Asked Questions

Is Picking Last an Advantage in White Elephant?

Picking last can be an advantage because you get to see almost every gift before making your move. Instead of choosing blindly from the remaining wrapped presents, you can steal something that has already caught your attention if the rules still allow it.

That advantage depends on the house rules. Some games limit how many times a gift can be stolen.

Others lock an item once it reaches a certain number of steals. If the most popular gifts are already unavailable, the final player may have fewer strong options than expected.

The first player can also get another turn at the end in some versions of the game. That rule can balance things out, since the person who started with the least information may get one final chance to steal.

How Do You Plan White Elephant for a Large Group?

For a large white elephant exchange, set a firm spending limit and establish the stealing rules in advance.

Create a clear turn order before the game begins. Drawing numbers as guests arrive can save time once everyone is ready to start.

Keep the number of steals per gift limited so the game does not drag on. It also helps to have one person track which creative holiday presents have been stolen and when they are locked, especially if dozens of people are participating.

Can You Play White Elephant Virtually?

A virtual white elephant exchange can work over a video call, with one person keeping track of the turn order and each steal. Guests can either mail physical gifts ahead of time or use digital gifts that can be delivered once the game ends.

Set the spending limit and stealing rules before everyone joins. It also helps to decide how gifts will be revealed and who is responsible for sending each one afterward so the exchange does not become confusing.

Choose a Perfect White Elephant Gift in a Snap

Look for a white elephant gift that fits some of these criteria, and everyone will be trying to grab it at your next celebration.

Do you need more gift-giving tips and tricks? Make sure you read some of our other posts.

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