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COMMENTARY: How powerful patriarchs pave the way for prospective fathers

ROLLINGOUT — You never really know how to be a father until it is your turn to lead, teach and develop your own offspring. You use the examples and experiences you’ve either observed or acquired to become the most powerful patriarch you can be.

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By N. Ali Early

When I was in high school, I often wondered how my life would play out. The thoughts were plentiful and the questions were rampant… Who will I marry? Where will I live? What will I do for a living? How many kids will I have? What gender will they be? What kind of father will I be?

As of Monday, June 10, 2019, and with the birth of my third son, Kalel Ali Early, all of those questions and more, have been answered.

Fourteen years ago I met the love of my life. Five years into a relationship that began in this publishing industry — when urban magazines were as plentiful as wheat at a local bakery — we exchanged vows and haven’t looked back since. With the birth of our first child — Khalon — we decided on settling in Atlanta and have since welcomed Keon and Kalel.

I never knew what fatherhood would truly feel like. I did, however, know what it looked like. I watched and idolized my own father, my paternal and maternal grandfathers, uncles, coaches, big homies and others who sought to pass on their wisdom.

I distinctly remember a conversation I had with my college basketball coach, about ingrown hairs of all things. It may sound simplistic, but the moment was refreshing and necessary for a 20-year-old trying with all his might to maintain a clear complexion. He talked to my friend and I like he’d been there before and during that moment, we all forgot about basketball. As I allowed his wisdom to pour into my eager ears, I accepted advice that rings true today and learned a valuable lesson rooted in patience.

You never really know how to be a father until it is your turn to lead, teach and develop your own offspring. You use the examples and experiences you’ve either observed or acquired to become the most powerful patriarch you can be. It’s an awesome responsibility that I’ve taken on and accepted fully. I respect it. I own it and I love it.

With a newborn, four-year-old and 10-year-old in tow, my journey is in full swing. Watching my children grow and change, then being able to shift gears as they do, is something I am still figuring out. That I am more than happy to share my knowledge, wisdom and experience with them, is an overwhelming understatement.

Happy Father’s Day to all the real ones out there. Be blessed and always “Be a father to your child.”

This article originally appeared in Rollingout.com. 

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Oakland Post: Week of March 13 – 19, 2024

The printed Weekly Edition of the Oakland Post: Week of March 13 – 19, 2024

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Oakland Post: Week of March 6 – 12, 2024

The printed Weekly Edition of the Oakland Post: Week of March 6 – 12, 2024

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Book Reviews

Book Review: “Dear Black Girls: How to Be True to You” by A’Ja Wilson

The envelope on the table is addressed to you. It caught your attention because — who, besides politicians, utilities, and creditors sends anything in the mail these days? Still, it was a nice surprise, no matter what, like a throwback or something. And like the new book, “Dear Black Girls” by A’Ja Wilson, every letter means something.

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Courtesy of A'Ja Wilson
Courtesy of A'Ja Wilson

c.2024, Moment of Life Books /Flatiron Books

$24.99

192 pages

 

Photo Caption: Courtesy of A’Ja Wilson

The envelope on the table is addressed to you.

It caught your attention because — who, besides politicians, utilities, and creditors sends anything in the mail these days? Still, it was a nice surprise, no matter what, like a throwback or something. And like the new book, “Dear Black Girls” by A’Ja Wilson, every letter means something.

From the time she was born until she was in fourth or fifth grade, A’Ja Wilson lived in a bubble. She didn’t know it; she was only a kid, just being herself with no worries. And then, right before one of her best friends was having a birthday party, Wilson learned that the girl’s dad “really [didn’t] like Black people.” Those few words shook Wilson’s dad, they made her mother quietly angry, and they made Wilson doubt herself for many years.

It was her first reminder: “You’re a girl.

Oh! And you’re a Black girl.

Alright, good luck!”

With the help of her parents and her beloved grandmother, Wilson healed but she never forgot. She made sure to know her roots and her family’s story. She was dyslexic, so she struggled, tried to fit in, and grew taller than most boys, which didn’t help her self-esteem. Neither did the fact that at almost every point in her life, the color of her skin mattered in ways that it shouldn’t have mattered. That included her activity on a basketball court.

Wilson was a young teen when her father first threw her a ball and she hated it, but by the time she graduated from high school, she’d found her way. She’d developed a good “Nonsense Detector.” She got some therapy (“Ain’t no shame in it.”); she learned that when she did her best, there were still going to be haters; and she always remembered to be herself and to be a light for others.

Remember, she says, “You don’t have to be an WNBA player or a politician or a celebrity to have an impact on someone.”

So, will you learn a thing or two by reading “Dear Black Girls”?

Yes and no. In her short introduction, author A’Ja Wilson says that this “is not a self-help book,” and that it’s just “a diary of somebody… who looks like you…” Eh, that’s nothing new but despite her protests, “Dear Black Girls” is helpful. You just have to be ready for it.

That’s not hard; Wilson, a two-time WNBA MVP tells her story with a flair for fun. She even tells the sad tales with exuberance, subtly letting readers know that it’s okay, she’s okay, and it’s all just part of her story. Her voice lets you know how much she enjoys life, even when she has tough things to deal with. It’s like hearing encouragement from the top bunk, or getting straight talk from a mentor.

While it might seem to be a book for teenagers only, “Dear Black Girls” would also be a great resource for younger adults. Take a look, see if it doesn’t get your stamp of approval.

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