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COMMENTARY: Crying on the Outside, Dying on the Inside

HOUSTON FORWARD TIMES — A beautiful young college freshman, 19-year-old Southern University cheerleader Arlana Miller, spoke about her prior struggles with thoughts of suicide and her feelings of inadequacy, before acting on those feelings by taking her own life.
The post COMMENTARY: Crying on the Outside, Dying on the Inside first appeared on BlackPressUSA.

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“I’ve been dead inside for too long.”

By Jeffrey L. Boney | Houston Forward Times

This expression of despair is one of the many lines extracted from a heart-wrenching Instagram message posted by 19-year-old Southern University cheerleader Arlana Miller on May 4th.

The beautiful young college freshman spoke about her prior struggles with thoughts of suicide and her feelings of inadequacy, before acting on those feelings by taking her own life.

After making the post, reports state that authorities found Arlana’s lifeless body in the Mississippi River, having carried out the act she stated that she had contemplated so many times during her teenage years.

There is a lot to unpack in Arlana’s final Instagram post.

Arlana talked about how the COVID-19 pandemic, tearing her ACL, and nearly failing all her classes contributed to the internal challenges and pressure she faced.

In seeking to further understand the struggles and internal challenges she faced that may have led to her final decision, Arlana wrote:

“I have written so many suicide notes in my life but finally, I’ve reached my end.”

In her Instagram post, Arlana spoke about the suicidal thoughts she had as a young person and the many times she fought against those urges.

“I have fought this urge since my early teenage years.. I gave this life all the fight I had. To everyone who has entered my life I’m so grateful and I can only imagine how this may find you. I have been surrounded by people who may have honestly thought that I was okay, but I haven’t been okay for a while. I struggled so much through just this year alone.”

In a precursor to what she was about to do, Arlana spoke directly to her mother, thanking her and seeking to give her mother peace of mind for the decision she was making.

“MOM, THANK YOU SO MUCH, I pray you know I’m at rest now! You would’ve given anything to see me happy, you have given everything to see me happy. I’m happy in the water where everything is still and peaceful. I have written so many suicide notes in my life but finally, I’ve reached my end.”

The hopelessness and finality to which Arlana speaks about her life and her feelings of inadequacy are hard to ignore, as she declares:

“I always dreamed of becoming so many things that I am today, but they just aren’t enough, I’m not enough. I haven’t felt enough for a while.. but I say all this to say, I’m done fighting, my battle is over and I pray everyone finds peace in that.”

Arlana even speaks about her spiritual detachment from God and how that impacted her, stating:

“I’ve lost my connection to God. The devil seems to have won & that is okay, I blame no one for this!”

As part of her final message to the world, Arlana also took the time to challenge those in her life to express themselves, differently than what she felt she had done.

“To the people in my life, I pray you learn to vocalize your feelings and get help always!!! I failed at that and I’m afraid it’s too late,” Arlana wrote.

Arlana continued her challenge by saying:

“I hope this teaches everyone to check on your “strong” friends, be present always! I’m contradicting myself but NEVER give up!!! I know that I’m letting a lot of people down by what I’m about to do. But… truth is I’ve already let down so many people throughout my life and it just feels unbearable.”

Arlana then goes on to try and comfort her family and friends by letting them know they aren’t responsible for her decision and that they shouldn’t feel any guilt, but she also spoke about how she tried to please others without thinking about herself first. Arlana wrote:

“I thank everyone for all they’ve done & IM SORRY IM SO SO SORRY. But thinking about how everyone else would feel about my death is not enough either, I’ve tried to please and make everyone else happy my entire life.”

As if to indicate that there was possibly one person, her grandfather, that could have changed her mind and helped her make a different decision about committing suicide, Arlana wrote:

“To my grandad… I wish you were here to tell me I’m being stupid, to tell me it’s not worth it, but you’ve left me & found your own peace. I’ve always been stubborn and prideful just like you.”

The first statement delivered by Arlana was “May this day bring me rest and peace,” and although that is what she may have hoped, her decision to commit suicide has delivered the exact opposite reaction from so many of her family and friends, especially her mother, who posted on her daughter’s Instagram account:

“R.I.P To My Daughter Arlana Miller 💔🕊 As A Mother This Is Hurting Me Soo Much. Maybe I Should Have Checked On My Daughter’s Mental Health. I Feel Like Everything is My Fault … I love you & miss you so much baby girl. My heart is in pieces.”

When things like this occur, it brings about a numbness and a feeling of helplessness, with questions swirling in your head, wondering what could have been done to prevent it.

The bottom line is this: Mental illness is real!

You may not be able to see it, but it is real.

It affects the moods and actions of people impacted by it.  No one requested to have this illness, just like a person didn’t ask to contract the COVID-19 virus, or cancer, or any other illness.

People who struggle with mental illness must be treated the same way we treat any other person struggling with an illness, especially one that can be life-threatening as mental illness can prove to be.

Telling someone who is depressed or contemplating suicide that because you care about them, they shouldn’t think or feel that way, is like telling someone who is suffering from asthma that they need to breathe because there is oxygen around them.

We must come to understand that some things are not just that easy, especially if it involves something like mental illness that can’t just be treated with a universal drug or treatment.

The rate of suicide-related deaths was increasing at a high rate among Black youth and Black adults here in the United States well before the COVID-19 pandemic and has gone to an even higher level of increase since the pandemic invaded our country.

Sadly, Black Americans experience mental illness just like any other racial group in America, but the difference is Blacks are more likely to get inferior, inadequate, or simply no treatment at all. This includes Black women, who are usually not included in research studies. Many Black people are also unwilling to seek mental health assistance, primarily because of the stigma surrounding mental health, the lack of qualified Black therapists that they are accessible to, or other issues of mistrust that Black people historically have with the medical industry.

Stories like that of Arlana Miller are heart breaking and emotionally disturbing, but we must do something to address this ever-increasing pandemic of its own, called suicide.

Think about it!  Have you heard anyone in your family or any of your closest friends utter any of the words that Arlana shared in her final Instagram post?

We must be cognizant of the signs and do as Arlana challenged her followers to do…Check on your “strong” friends and be present always.

As we stated, the Forward Times is dedicating the month of May by highlighting the importance of mental health as part of Mental Health Awareness Month.

When we talk about mental health it encompasses many things, such as our psychological, emotional, and social well-being, in addition to how we deal with the daily rigors of the world around us. The way we handle stress, handle relationships, and handle the choices we are faced with, can be directly tied to our mental health status.

The post Crying on the Outside, Dying on the Inside appeared first on Houston Forward Times.

Jeffrey L. Boney NNPA Newswire contributor

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A Nation in Freefall While the Powerful Feast: Trump Calls Affordability a ‘Con Job’

BLACKPRESSUSA NEWSWIRE — There are seasons in this country when the struggle of ordinary Americans is not merely a condition but a kind of weather that settles over everything.

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By Stacy M. Brown
Black Press USA Senior National Correspondent

There are seasons in this country when the struggle of ordinary Americans is not merely a condition but a kind of weather that settles over everything. It enters the grocery aisle, the overdue bill, the rent notice, and the long nights spent calculating how to get through the next week. The latest numbers show that this season has not passed. It has deepened.

Private employers cut 32,000 jobs in November, according to ADP. Because the nation has been hemorrhaging jobs since President Trump took office, the administration has halted publishing the traditional monthly report. The ADP report revealed that small businesses suffered the heaviest losses. Establishments with fewer than 50 workers shed 120,000 positions, including 74,000 from companies with 20 to 49 workers. Larger firms added 90,000 jobs, widening the split between those rising and those falling.

Meanwhile, wealth continues to climb for the few who already possess most of it. Federal Reserve data shows the top 1 percent now holds $52 trillion. The top 10 percent added $5 trillion in the second quarter alone. The bottom half gained only 6 percent over the past year, a number so small it fades beside the towering fortunes above it.

“Less educated and poorer people tend to make worse mistakes,” John Campbell said to CBS News, while noting that the complexity of the system leaves many families lost before they even begin. Campbell, a Harvard University economist and coauthor of a book examining the country’s broken personal finance structure, pointed to a system built to confuse and punish those who lack time, training, or access.

“Creditors are just breathing down their necks,” Carol Fox told Bloomberg News, while noting that rising borrowing costs, shrinking consumer spending, and trade battles under the current administration have left owners desperate. Fox serves as a court-appointed Subchapter V trustee in Southern Florida and has watched the crisis unfold case by case.

During a cabinet meeting on Tuesday, Trump told those present that affordability “doesn’t mean anything to anybody.” He added that Democrats created a “con job” to mislead the public.

However, more than $30 million in taxpayer funds reportedly have supported his golf travel. Reports show Kristi Noem and FBI Director Kash Patel have also made extensive use of private jets through government and political networks. The administration approved a $40 billion bailout of Argentina. The president’s wealthy donors recently gathered for a dinner celebrating his planned $300 million White House ballroom.

During an appearance on CNBC, Mark Zandi, an economist, warned that the country could face serious economic threats. “We have learned that people make many mistakes,” Campbell added. “And particularly, sadly, less educated and poorer people tend to make worse mistakes.”

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The Numbers Behind the Myth of the Hundred Million Dollar Contract

BLACKPRESSUSA NEWSWIRE — Odell Beckham Jr. did not spark controversy on purpose. He sat on The Pivot Podcast and tried to explain the math behind a deal that looks limitless from the outside but shrinks fast once the system takes its cut.

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By Stacy M. Brown
Black Press USA Senior National Correspondent

Odell Beckham Jr. did not spark controversy on purpose. He sat on The Pivot Podcast and tried to explain the math behind a deal that looks limitless from the outside but shrinks fast once the system takes its cut. He looked into the camera and tried to offer a truth most fans never hear. “You give somebody a five-year $100 million contract, right? What is it really? It is five years for sixty. You are getting taxed. Do the math. That is twelve million a year that you have to spend, use, save, invest, flaunt,” said Beckham. He added that buying a car, buying his mother a house, and covering the costs of life all chip away at what people assume lasts forever.

The reaction was instant. Many heard entitlement. Many heard a millionaire complaining. What they missed was a glimpse into a professional world built on big numbers up front and a quiet erasing of those numbers behind the scenes.

The tax data in Beckham’s world is not speculation. SmartAsset’s research shows that top NFL players often lose close to half their income to federal taxes, state taxes, and local taxes. The analysis explains that athletes in California face a state rate of 13.3 percent and that players are also taxed in every state where they play road games, a structure widely known as the jock tax. For many players, that means filing up to ten separate returns and facing a combined tax burden that reaches or exceeds 50 percent.

A look across the league paints the same picture. The research lists star players in New York, Philadelphia, Chicago, Detroit, and Cleveland, all giving up between 43 and 47 percent of their football income before they ever touch a dollar. Star quarterback Phillip Rivers, at one point, was projected to lose half of his playing income to taxes alone.

A second financial breakdown from MGO CPA shows that the problem does not only affect the highest earners. A $1 million salary falls to about $529,000 after federal taxes, state and city taxes, an agent fee, and a contract deduction. According to that analysis, professional athletes typically take home around half of their contract value, and that is before rent, meals, training, travel, and support obligations are counted.

The structure of professional sports contracts adds another layer. A study of major deals across MLB, the NBA, and the NFL notes that long-term agreements lose value over time because the dollar today has more power than the dollar paid in the future. Even the largest deals shrink once adjusted for time. The study explains that contract size alone does not guarantee financial success and that structure and timing play a crucial role in a player’s long-term outcomes.

Beckham has also faced headlines claiming he is “on the brink of bankruptcy despite earning over one hundred million” in his career. Those reports repeated his statement that “after taxes, it is only sixty million” and captured the disbelief from fans who could not understand how money at that level could ever tighten.

Other reactions lacked nuance. One article wrote that no one could relate to any struggle on eight million dollars a year. Another described his approach as “the definition of a new-money move” and argued that it signaled poor financial choices and inflated spending.

But the underlying truth reaches far beyond Beckham. Professional athletes enter sudden wealth without preparation. They carry the weight of family support. They navigate teams, agents, advisors, and expectations from every direction. Their earning window is brief. Their career can end in a moment. Their income is fragmented, taxed, and carved up before the public ever sees the real number.

The math is unflinching. Twenty million dollars becomes something closer to $8 million after federal taxes, state taxes, jock taxes, agent fees, training costs, and family responsibilities. Over five years, that is about $40 million of real, spendable income. It is transformative money, but not infinite. Not guaranteed. Not protected.

Beckham offered a question at the heart of this entire debate. “Can you make that last forever?”

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FBI Report Warns of Fear, Paralysis, And Political Turmoil Under Director Kash Patel

BLACKPRESSUSA NEWSWIRE — Six months into Kash Patel’s tenure as Director of the Federal Bureau of Investigation, a newly compiled internal report from a national alliance of retired and active-duty FBI agents and analysts delivers a stark warning about what the Bureau has become under his leadership.

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By Stacy M. Brown
Black Press USA Senior National Correspondent

Six months into Kash Patel’s tenure as Director of the Federal Bureau of Investigation, a newly compiled internal report from a national alliance of retired and active-duty FBI agents and analysts delivers a stark warning about what the Bureau has become under his leadership. The 115-page document, submitted to Congress this month, is built entirely on verified reporting from inside field offices across the country and paints a picture of an agency gripped by fear, divided by ideology, and drifting without direction.

The report’s authors write that they launched their inquiry after receiving troubling accounts from inside the Bureau only four months into Patel’s tenure. They describe their goal as a pulse check on whether the ninth FBI director was reforming the Bureau or destabilizing it. Their conclusion: the preliminary findings were discouraging.

Reports Describe Widespread Internal Distrust and Open Hostility Toward President Trump

Sources across the country told investigators that a large number of FBI employees openly express hostility toward President Donald Trump. One source reported seeing an “increasing number of FBI Special Agents who dislike the President,” adding that these employees were exhibiting what they called “TDS” and had lost “their ability to think critically about an issue and distinguish fact from fiction.” Another source described employees making off-color comments about the administration during office conversations.

The sentiment reportedly extends beyond domestic lines. Law enforcement and intelligence partners in allied countries have privately expressed fear that the Trump administration could damage long-term international cooperation according to a sub-source who reported those concerns directly to investigators.

Pardon Backlash and Fear of Retaliation

The President’s January 20 pardons of individuals convicted for their roles in the January 6 attack ignited what the report calls demoralization inside the Bureau. One FBI employee said they were “demoralized” that individuals “rightfully convicted” were pardoned and feared that some of those individuals or their supporters might target them or their family for carrying out their duties. Another source described widespread anger that lists of personnel who worked on January 6 investigations had been provided to the Justice Department for review, noting that agents “were just following orders” and now worry those lists could leak publicly.  

Morale In Decline

Morale among FBI employees appears to be sinking fast. There were a few scattered positive notes, but the weight of the reporting describes morale as low, bad, or terrible. Agents with more than a decade of service told investigators they feel marginalized or ignored. Some are counting the days until they can retire. One even uses a countdown app on their phone.  

Culture Of Fear

Layered over that unhappiness is something far more corrosive. A culture of fear. Sources say Patel, though personable, created mistrust from the start because of harsh remarks he made about the FBI before taking office. Agents took those comments personally. They now work in an atmosphere where employees keep their heads down and speak carefully. Managers wait for directions because they are afraid a wrong move could cost them their jobs. One source said agents dread coming to work because nobody knows who will be reassigned or fired next.

Leadership Concerns

The report also paints a picture of leaders unprepared for the jobs they hold. Multiple sources said Patel is in over his head and lacks the breadth of experience required to understand the Bureau’s complex programs. Some said Deputy Director Dan Bongino should never have been appointed because the role requires deep institutional knowledge of FBI operations. A sub-source recounted Bongino telling employees during a field office visit that “the truth is for chumps.” Employees who heard it were stunned and offended.

Social Media and Communication Breakdowns

Communication inside the Bureau has become another source of frustration. Sources said Patel and Bongino spend too much time posting on social media and not enough time communicating with employees in clear and official ways. Several told investigators they learn more about FBI operations from tweets than from internal channels.

ICE Assignments Raise Alarm

Nothing has sparked more frustration inside the FBI than the orders requiring agents to assist Immigration and Customs Enforcement. The reporting shows widespread resentment and fear over these assignments. Agents say they have little training in immigration law and were ordered into operations without proper planning. Some said they were put in tactically unsafe positions. They also warned that being pulled away from counterterrorism and counterintelligence investigations threatens national security. One sub-source asked, “If we’re not working CT and CI, then who is?”  

DEI Program Removal

Even the future of diversity programs became a point of division. Some agents praised Patel’s removal of DEI initiatives. Others said the old system left them afraid to speak honestly because they worried about being labeled racist. The reporting shows a deep and unresolved conflict over whether DEI strengthened the organization or weakened it.

Notable Incidents

The document also details several incidents that have become part of FBI lore. Patel ordered all employees to remove pronouns and personal messages from their email signatures yet used the number nine in his own. Agents laughed at what they saw as hypocrisy. In another episode, FBI employees who discussed Patel’s request for an FBI-issued firearm were ordered to take polygraph examinations, which one respected source described as punitive. And in Utah, Patel refused to exit a plane without a medium-sized FBI raid jacket. A team scrambled to find one and finally secured a female agent’s jacket. Patel still refused to step out until patches were added. SWAT members removed patches from their own uniforms to satisfy the demand.

A Bureau at a Crossroad

The Alliance warns that the Bureau stands at a difficult crossroads. They write that the FBI faces some of the most daunting challenges in its history. But even in despair, a few voices say something different. One veteran source said “It is early, but most can see the mission is now the priority. Case work and threats are the focus again. Reform is headed in the right direction.”  

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